5 Tips For Writing and Speaking Authentically

 

 

Confidence, authentic, self belief, wirting, speaking

 

1. Speak and write in your own voice

When I started to write and deliver speeches 40 years ago, I worried that what I had to say was not important, that no one would interested and set about copying the style of what I thought people wanted to hear. The result of that was my writing and speaking was stilted and unnatural, it did not sound like me – because it wasn’t.

Over time I grew confident and created my style and wrote and spoke just like me. What happened was that my authentic self was revealed. The words flowed because they came from my heart, with my intent, and they were delivered in my style.

 

 TIP – Create, develop and present in your style and you will blossom and shine. How awesome letting the real you out?

 

 

2. Whose voice was that, that you did not want to hear?

You know that voice that whispers or sometimes shouts in your ear? It niggles away creating chaos as you try to write or speak. It nags at you until it gets your attention, until you recognise it. Then once you understand you know you can take control and change it.

It maybe your mum or dad, your siblings or your 2nd grade school teacher that you hear telling you all your faults. Things like ‘you can’t do that’, ‘who do you think you are?’ ‘You tried that before and failed’. This monkey chatter does not serve you, it is not loving to you and it will shut down your creativity in a heartbeat.

 

TIP – When that happens stop and ask yourself – whose voice is that? Is what they are saying relevant today? (it may have been relevant when you were a child, bit it is different now you are an adult. When you recognise this you can say to yourself ‘that is old stuff, I know better now so I can do better- then dismiss it. How wonderful is that?

 

3. Celebrate your uniqueness

We are what we are, we all have unique experiences, lives and respond differently to our lives experiences. When you share from your heart that uniqueness shines through and that is what attracts people to you.

Use that uniqueness as your point of difference, first recognise and acknowledge then play and work with it. If you can’t see it ask a few friends. That worked for me when I joined a group some years ago and we were asked to write in 300 words why we should get the program for free and what 3 words made us unique. When I asked around my three came back as resilience, inspirational and courageous, words I would not have associated with myself at that time. Others often see qualities in us before we see them ourselves.

 

TIP Find and cultivate your uniqueness and quirkiness and delight the world with your words and speech…you will be amazed at what happens.

 

 4. Create stories of your life experiences

It makes you real, relatable and authentic. People will often respond with ‘yes, me to’ or ‘I did that’. Everyone loves stories, start a library of your stories, give them a quirky name and let your creativity flow. Give your story a moral or leave your audience with a message. I have story of confidence versus arrogance and it is a story from my nursing days of how my confidence tipped from confidence to arrogance. It is light hearted, it has a message and it makes people laugh.

 

 TIP Start your library of stories now and collect as you go. include the goofy things you do, the fabulous things you do and anything in between.

 

 5. Develop a library of your words and phrases

This is a recent activity for me and came from attending a recent workshop. take note of the words you write and say, that words that make you, you.

Go back and read what you have written, if you have videos listen and pick out the phrases you use. If you ruin dry ask friends or family what phrases you use regularly.

Then after writing go back and see if you have sprinkled your special words. It is not about flooding a blog post with 3 words, it is about using your words to best effect.

 TIP Start that list, add to it, play with it and enjoy it. We learn in moments of enjoyment.

 

If this post speaks to you and you are holding back or struggling, I can guide and support you. If this is you, I encourage you to reach out, to develop and deliver your style. My offer is 3 sessions tailored just for you. Do it just for you, your confidence will grow and remember, the world needs to hear your message.

 

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5 Proven Things To Be More Energised

 

 

Love, energy, confidence, self worth self esteem

 

Some days I wake up simply wanting more energy and wonder where mine had gone. They are usually the days I have not followed my own advice.

Has that happened to you? Are you cringing and thinking ‘Yep, she is speaking to me’.

And…did you know that there are energy stealers out there? Sometimes we even steal own energy by dragging past stuff with us. Would it be a relief to put it down? I found when I did I felt lighter, had more energy and I got more done.

This is not about burying your head in the sand and pretending all is well.

What I am suggesting is that it is within your control to change what is no longer serving you.

‘You will have more energy when you am not dragging the past with you into every thought and situation’, says Joe Dispenza, author of ‘Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself’.

As an energy boost and self- starter I invite you to try 5 tips.

 

 DI’S TIPS TO HAVE MORE ENERGY

 

No 1 DAILY RITUALS AND JOURNALING

 

writing, journaling gratitude confidence self belief


Daily rituals that work for me include:
1. A 5min Confidence Boost Exercise
2. EFT (tapping)
3.Visualisations (it is a plus when you record them in your own voice)

4. Writing a Divine Letter ( a very effective tool that a friend of mine uses).
5. When you have your physical shower take a mental shower also and wash away those thoughts that no longer serve you.

Journaling is a wide subject and I use different ways at different times, my favourites include:

1. Brain dump, this exercise I started using after reading ‘The Artist’s Way’. When you wake sit up and write whatever is in your mind. That gets rid of the stuff, I find it releases negative energy as the words pour out onto the paper leaving me feeling lighter and brighter.

2, Visual journal, it can be a vision board, or what I call my ‘Success Folder’. Take time each day to spend a few minutes absorbing and integrating the images, words, colours and the energy.

3. Gratitude journal - This was a huge help when I was in a dark place. Before you go to bed each night write 3-5 things that you are grateful about. That was a challenge at first, I would grumpily mutter to myself ‘what have i got to be grateful about’. I persevered, some nights it was simply that I had a warm bed and a roof over my head. Then I found myself getting excited about what I might write that night.

4.Forward journaling, writing ‘as if’ was already in my life. When I write in this way I find it re-programs my mind for what I want to attract into my life and magic happens.

 

No 2 BEING MINDFUL OF NEGATIVE SELF-TALK

 

heartfelt, confidence, self esteem self belief

 

You know that monkey chatter that tells you all the things you can’t do or didn’t do or quit half way that whispers or shouts in your ear. These are your stories, stories probably formed years ago. Old stories keep you stuck, they may be from family, friends or workmates, that zaps your energy. It feels like they are sucking the life right out of you.

Worrying is a biggie, it just gives you deep lines, serves no purpose and attracts more of the ‘don’t wants’ into your life. Most of the things we worry about never happen. Some worry when there is nothing to worry about, my Mum bless her was a master at it.

 

No 3 DE-CLUTTERING YOUR MIND AND HOME

 

clearing, clearing with confidence, help to declutter, lighter after declutter

 

Now I am a Cancerian, I keep things ‘just in case’. So just the idea sent shivers down my spine at first. In fact, I had a friend come over to help me when I did my first major de-clutter. We had 4 piles, one to keep, one to the bin, one to the op shop and one for the garage sale. We went through every item and I made a decision, no ‘let me think about it’s’ were allowed. I felt so free and light after it was done.

Decluttering your mind came later and it is covered above in negative self-talk. It was something I had simply not considered that dragging the past with you constantly is a huge energy drain.

 

NO 4 DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOUR HEART SING

 

joy, happiness, self care, happiness, confidence

 

That phrase has a lightness and brightness even before we start, they are happy words. When you do what you love, it energises you, it puts a smile on your face and a spring in your step.

What is that makes your heart sing? It may be singing, music, creating, writing, painting, blogging, dancing, sport or something else. When you find it, nurture it and include some ‘happy heart’ activity in your life every day.

 

No 5 RADICAL SELF- CARE

 

self love, support, love, confidence,

 

I say radical because for many women deny themselves self-care, always putting the needs and wishes of others before themselves. If you are not in top form with your cup of live and love overflowing how can you help, support and love others? If you keep taking from the cup one day it will come up empty.

My first step into radical was forgiveness, not only to those who had harmed me, but forgiveness to myself. That opened my door to self-love and self-care.

Self- care to you may include spending time in nature, meditating, exercising. It may be reading, have a massage or a bubble bath or taking a nap. Women who do too much are often sleep deprived, don’t drink enough water, skip meals or eat on the run and push themselves to the limit. They feel guilty, undeserving or unworthy. Love yourself enough to take care of you

What do you do to energise yourself? I would love you to share with love and openness.

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3 Tips to Avoid Absorbing Negative Emotions

 

Emotions do affect communication between people.

We often absorb some of the emotions of the people we come in contact with and we may even experience a change in our own mood even if nothing has happened to us. You may even think what on earth happened that I suddenly feel drained of energy?

Why do you think you get scared when you watch a horror movie? You see the actors acting scared. It is because their emotions are communicated to you through their gestures and facial expressions.

Why do you think we like quietly confident people? Confident people transfer their positive emotions to us and make us feel relaxed, calm and safe. That’s why we like them.

On the other hand anxious or angry people unconsciously transfer some of their anxiety and anger to us and that makes us feel uneasy and uncomfortable around them.

Have you ever experienced being around someone ‘stressed’ and then you leave feeling stressed? It happens because emotions are being communicated to us whether we notice it or not.

 

When you are aware you can act on it and protect yourself or remove yourself.

 

3 Tips To Avoid Absorbing Negative Emotions

1. Avoid negative people if possible – because they will unconsciously transfer their emotions to you. If you are unable to avoid them go armed with an intention that you will not take on their negativity, surround yourself with a bubble of light that protects you and deflects their energy back to them.

 

Confidence anxious weighed-down lack confidence negative emotions

 

 

2. Observe your own emotions – so you don’t confuse them with the emotions you absorb from other people. If you are feeling down after being with a negative person ask yourself is this my stuff? If not great, move on. If it is then ask yourself how were you triggered by that person? And what is one thing you can do right now to feel brighter .

 

Emotions, negative self talk, lack confidence, communication

 

3, Act confidently – when you act confidently people will feel relaxed around you and that can have an effect on a negative person. You may even succeed in transferring some of your positive emotion to them.

Confidence, act confident, self esteem,

 

Capturing negative emotions before they become thought and action is part of the Butterfly Net Challenge. Next program running September, stay tuned.

I invite you to check out us out on Facebook www.facebook.com/confidencebeyond50 or Pinterest  http://www.pinterest.com/dimr47/

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A Top Tip To Boost Your Confidence On A Down Day?

TIP – Choose one thing, just one thing that makes your heart sing and do it.

Confidence, lack of confidence, self esteem, overwhelm

 

This is for the days when you feel the world is against you, you feel tired and weary, you wonder where your confidence has gone just when you need it. If that is you today, stop for a moment and remember that you are not alone and it will and does improve.

For today, choose one, thing, just ONE thing that makes your heart sing and do it…yes take real action. When I do that, it restores my sense of being, gives me a sense of peace and harmony and it boosts my confidence. My list has been created from things I love to do, things that bring me pleasure, things that give me a lift.

Today, I invite you to create yours.

confidence, happy, joy, self esteem, overwhelm

 

Everyone’s list will be different, it maybe music, going for a walk in the mountains or by the sea, lighting a candle, meditating, going for a walk in the garden, visiting an art gallery, indulging in your creative side – painting or craft work, having a bubble bath, having coffee with a friend who lifts your spirits or watch a show that makes you laugh. I urge you start NOW, grab a pen and paper and scribble away, you will find that your list grows very quickly.

My list evolved after working through the book ‘The Artist’s Way’ many years ago and every now and again I see, hear or experience something and add that to my list. It is a living, growing document. My aim is to hit 365, I am well into the 200’s now.

NOTE! It is important that you create your list when you are in a good space. On those days, you can think of many things that make you feel happy.

My reason for saying that is when you are in overwhelm or things are piling on top of you, it is difficult to think clearly. On those days, you might even want to stamp your feet, and think ‘why would I want to pick a stupid flower or listen to music’. Go on, I bet you have reacted like that when someone has tried to get you out of a funk at some stage. Are you smiling?

confidence, overwhelm, anxious, self esteem lack of confidence

 

Negative thoughts and actions take up an enormous amount of energy. It is like group activities, one negative thought takes hold and suddenly the mind draws on all your other negatives to support it and next thing you know your ‘pity party’ is in full swing. What a waste of your time and your beautiful energies! Wouldn’t you rather use your energy for something that you love, something to lift your mood and something that supports you?

What you will discover is that the very act of moving, of standing up and breathing more deeply gets your blood flowing. Add to that the beauty of going into nature, hearing the birds, seeing the flowers, feeling the sunlight on your back, it changes your state despite yourself. You get my meaning, it brings a smile to my face just thinking about it.

On down days, those horror days everyone experiences, your clarity is non- existent and you want to scream at the world. They are not the days to say…’Here I am in a funk what shall I do?’ However, if you can pick up your list, you have many choices at your fingertips. Choose one, just one and do it! It could be just the thing to spring you back to lightness.

Nobody escapes challenges in life and they often come when lest expected at the most inconvenient times. Remember, there can be joy and happiness even in the midst of drama. When you are able to grasp and appreciate those special moments even if they are fleeting it can make a huge difference to your state of mind.

Let’s be honest, life is not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes we struggle within ourselves, sometimes we lose our footing, sometimes we simply need to surrender and reach out for help.

When you reach out for help, you get to see your challenge through another set of ears, another set of eyes and share another’s heart space.

When we are re-inventing ourselves we may experience growth at lightning speed, it’s natural to feel the struggle. It’s normal to feel challenged. It’s common that past stuff that is unresolved will come up, and confidence can slip away in the moment.

And if we ALLOW the space rather than resist it we will find that it’s in these moments that we can shift and grow to our next version of our confident selves.

We have so much wisdom within us, knowing how to access that and bring it forward into your life is what I do as a Confidence coach/mentor. If you are overwhelmed in life right now, reach out, let me help you so you can move forward and life your life being your best.

There will be a new Challenge coming up soon, The Butterfly Net Challenge, it dovetails perfectly into this blog topic. Stay tuned for details.

 

 

 

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It Is Just NOT That Important

 

I was having coffee with a girlfriend recently we were talking and laughing about how we get upset over things that we think at the time are  important. Have you got things now that you look back on and think…why did I think that was important?

We giggled, notice how good you feel when you stop and laugh, over instances in our lives and giggled even more over experiences we have shared over the years, things that make me cringe today.

 

being you, confidence, self esteem

So, I decided to compile a little list (I am good at lists) of mine. You may even see yourself in here.

I used to think it was important to:

  • Look fabulous – for years I was worried over having small breasts, it completely escaped my notice that I had other great assets.
  • That I might ‘look fat in that’ and I don’t look good in jeans’– heavens I am tall and slim and can wear almost anything.
  • Keep busy every hour of every day. I was the original ‘hyperactive’. That is I stopped I was lazy, I would never get anything done. I am not and I did most of the time – who cared? Only me!
  • Be everything to everyone – what a shock it became when I my life fell apart from the death of my husband – to my shock and horror the world worked just fine without me.
  • Press the button to cross the road 10 times – I thought it would work faster.
  • Have the toothpaste tube looking neat. He squeezed and screwed the toothpaste tube all crooked. Note to self – woman get a life!
  • Have the loo roll on the right way – it takes 2 secs to change it.
  • Have the opening of the pillow case facing away from the door – OK that is a relic habit from nursing days. My son used to drive me to distraction leaving his facing the door, he only did it to get a reaction.
  • Wear high heels – I have been wearing them since I was a teen and I am about to hit six score and ten… now I need to wear flatties most of the time. A friend commented ‘be grateful you have feet to put in them’.
  • ‘Do’ technology – when my husband passed away 15 years ago I was virtually computer illiterate. For year’s I beat myself up over not being able to do things, not able to fix it, so much blood, sweat and tears expended. A friend said to me ‘could you fix the computer when Les alive?’ When I answered no, they said well why does the simple act of him leaving this earthly plane make you think you can suddenly do it all. Light bulb moment!

Now this list is far from complete, maybe you have found yourself doing some of these or you probably have your own list.

I would like to ask you ‘how much time and energy have you spent over the years indulging in your little foibles’? Imagine how you could have used that time differently?

I have found that life has a way of getting you to realise either with a gentle tap or a thundering crash what is important.

What is important to you? Please do share your thoughts


 

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Di’s Evolving

 

A question popped up in another group this morning ‘How have you evolved?’

 

Confidence, self esteem, beoming a better person, how have you evolved

 

It got me thinking of my journey, what I used to think and how I think today.

Some of the ways I have evolved through confidence, resilience and working on me are:

 I lacked confidence, now my quiet inner confidence is my driving force.

 I was scared witless of speaking in public – today I love and enjoy it

 I had an over developed sense of responsibility, I thought I had to ‘fix’ everything and everybody – today I know I am responsible for me

 I was a worrier, there were times when I worried if there was nothing to worry about. Today I am a work in progress, today I face life, change what I can and mostly accept what I can’t.

 I was a control freak, I thought I knew what was best for all. Today I love taking care of me and living my life being the best version of me.

 I worried about my appearance, I worried endlessly because I had small breasts, I thought if I didn’t have a mouth you wouldn’t know the front from the back of me – today I love and appreciate my body, my stature and my gracious aging.

 I thought I was not good enough, today I know I am definitely enough.

 I took things personally. today as a work in progress I know I am not responsible for how others see and behave towards me, it is how I react that matters. As the saying goes what other people think of me is none of my business.

 I was ashamed of my past now I fully accept what happened. I have taken years, taken the time to go within and work on myself. Writing and journalling evolved into self publishing that story. I lived and breathed it, spoke about it and run programs about it. It was the catalyst for what I do today.

 I lost my sense of self after years of being the carer and carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and finding myself alone and starting over. I found a strong, warmer more compassionate woman, I like her.

 I thought I could not cope alone, in fact I have coped with my new life exceedingly well. A friend told me after Les passed away that life could still be great, wonderful and in fact even better than before. I have proven that to be true.

I judged myself to the eenth degree, today I love, honour, forgive and support myself.

 I used to be hyperactive, I now direct my time and energy more wisely and appreciate the vast stores of energy that have sustained and supported me through my life.

 I didn’t think I had a leadership bone in my body, my 40 years in Toastmasters proved differently and shown my level of competence in communication and leadership.es when I look back I wonder who that woman was, what she was thinking – I scarcely recognise her. It is not what happens to me but how react and who I become because of it. I love and appreciate the woman I am today as I keep in mind I am being the best version of me I can be.

 

Confidence, seeing with new lens, self esteem

 

 This list may inspire you to write yours. I invite you to stop and consider how have you evolved? How does your list look? I would love to hear from you, reach out to me here or at di@diriddell.com

 

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When It Feels Like Life Is Falling Apart…And It’s Mothers Day.

 

mothers day, happy, alone OK

 

We have this ‘societal norm’ that all is calm, peaceful, happy and loving on Mothers Day. And it can be, in fact it is wonderful when that happens…however it takes a special kind of confidence to speak out… when it is not happening.

I am here to tell you it OK to reach out. It is OK if you are having rough patch in life. That happy scene was my reality for many years and I loved it, appreciated it and looked forward to it. Then one day… it did not happen, the joy had been sucked out of my life.

Today, you are probably sick to the back teeth of happy gift ads everywhere you look. You know, the ones where they are assuming the whole planet is in a happy state and well cashed up.  And that could be whether you are surrounded by loving families or not. It is commercialism at its worst.

Am I being ‘Negative Nellie’? No, I am sending loving thoughts to those who are not surrounded by loved ones today. Some may be estranged from their families for a myriad of reasons, some may be grieving over the loss of a loved one, others divorced or separated and prevented from seeing their children.  Apart from dealing with your life, the constant marketing of ‘happy mother’ is in your face and it hurts.

A million thoughts may be spinning through your head and that ‘monkey mind’ may be chattering, very loudly in your ear with the ‘what if’s’ resounding through your brain.

Why am I writing about this? Because today maybe you are alone. Remember, you are OK, you will survive and life will get better.

If you know someone who is hurting, my words may offer help and comfort to them. If so feel free to share…

Now is the time to say, ‘everyday has only 24 hours’,  ’this too shall pass’…. and ‘life has no rule book… and love does not come with a guarantee. ‘

Mothers Day is an emotionally charged day that may leave you feeling flat, confused and fuzzy.

 Tips ‘just for you’…

  • Give yourself loads of love and self care.. avoid the what if’s, seek joy in unexpected places.
  • It is not what has happened to you…it is how you handle it. This is part of your journey…life taking an unexpected detour…you can do this
  • What makes you happy? It may be going for a walk, having a bubble bath, reading good book, journaling, music or something else. do some of that.
  • Avoid isolating…go to a movie, volunteer. get out and do something
  • Seek and express gratitude and joy – for what you do have, for the beautiful memories you do have.
  • Remember life is a gift, make the most of it

From me…‘The hand of friendship does not stop at the wrist…it extends all the way to the heart… so from my heart to your heart…and to you if you are alone…make this one amazing day – for you! 

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Putting Things In Perspective

 

I know, I know you always have things in perspective, it is the other one who doesn’t. Right?

Many of us can can delude ourselves for just so long before the cracks begin to appear. It is often  our nearest and dearest who gets to point it out.

My nemisis for years after I was living alone was THE COMPUTER. It drove me crazy and my skills at that time were zilch so that should come as any surprise. It was a perfect example of letting something blow out of proportion – and I had perfected the art! The blood, sweat and tears I shed, the energy I wasted and having little ‘tanti’s’ did not help. Staring  till I became almost cross eyed did not help either.

 

computer lieracy, computer illiterate, lack confidence

 

 

Over time I improved and thought I had a reasonable handle on what I needed to do. Ahha! If there is one thing  you should never tell your computer, it is that you are doing pretty good, don’t even whisper it…it can hear you! That is when ‘my perspective’ or lack of it got in the way. Take a few moments to watch and see…

 

 

If you find yourself in doing someting similar in an area of your life (it may not be the computer for you), take a moment to stop, step back and breathe. Finding the lighter side and having a laugh relieves and stress and can even give you a dose of reality.

I hope this content caused you to smile, maybe squirm because you know you do it to. I hope it is helpful, I love sharing stories that demonstrate that we can be our own worst enemy. I would love to hear your experiences and invite you to reach out to me by leaving a comment or drop me a line at di@diriddell.com.

Till next time cheerio! Di

 

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What changed my way of thinking?

 

One incredible moment in time became the catalyst for my new life. I realised a woman’s total package goes way beyond anything I had ever dreamt. Beyond the physical, it stretches to embrace the emotional, spiritual and shadow sides.

confidence, self esteem, spiritual, emotional

 

If I have learned one thing from my quietly confident self, it is to follow my heart. If something does not feel right then it probably isn’t and an avalanche of emotions can leave you wanting to hide, to run, to seek safety when in fact the learning’s are within you waiting to be released – yet you are blind to it at  times of intense challenge.

There I was sitting with friends in the dappled sunlight on the verandah of a hospital room. It was September 4th 2002. The conversation flittered from subject to subject. We all knew why we were there.  The warm and fuzzy I was getting from their presence was shattered by an earth shattering scream of ‘Dianne -come quick’.

 Three paces took me to my husband’s bedside and 3 minutes later he was gone. Three things hit me – I was alone, I was scared and I did not want to accept it. The love of my life, the man who showed me unconditional love and the man who had adored me for 31 years lay lifeless before me.

Little did I know that this was to be a pivotal experience that would lead to a changed outlook on my life. That it would help me to release the shackles of my past and allow me to make a difference in the lives of other women.

How I would love to say, I picked up, pushed on and positively shone from my every pore. No, no, no! It was however time, time for me to be catapulted into the life of a widow. How that term grated on me as I groped and clawed my way forward. Today, looking back I scarcely recognise that woman.

 

confidence, fears, low confidence, low self esteem

 

My coping mechanism was to work harder, faster and longer  than I ever had before. I was totally involved in anything and everything. I cleaned and fussed and pushed, pushed and pushed harder. I have never liked eating alone – so I stopped eating. It was not a conscious decision to lose weight it just seemed natural to my confused brain.

12 kgs fell from an already tall, slim frame. One morning I just could not do anything. My body had come to a screaming halt and I knew I needed help. The flurry began to Dr’s, psychologists and my self help journey began and gradually gained momentum.

It was a huge challenge for me to take that first step. Dealing with my grief sent me back to face significant early childhood challenges. In brief I had a violent alcoholic father who told me I was stupid, useless and worthless. Mental abuse was the order of the day, physical violence was directed at my mother with the implication that I was next. I spent a lonely, frightened and unhappy childhood. As a young teenager I had absolutely no self confidence, no self esteem and no self belief. At the age of 15 I went looking for love and rape found me – pack rape.  A pregnancy and an adoption resulted. The welfare workers in the 1960′s were controlling, overbearing and lacked compassion. Their words rang in my ears – ‘you are a disgrace to yourself, your family, Nambour, Queensland, Australia, the Universe and everything in between. No decent man will ever want you – go nursing and get out of society’s way’.

So I did, I became officious and efficient. Every TV show you ever saw with a bitch Matron, I was it, that was my persona.  Life was tough, discipline was tougher and it was there that I developed the resilience and tenacity that would serve me well throughout my life.  I met and married a man with 4 children ages 10-16 and I was 24. We added our own son to the mix, life was full, busy, challenging and we loved it.  I was safe,  loved and cherished.

 Then suddenly, life as I knew it was gone.

 

 5 things that supported me through my years of change were:

  1. Acknowledging and accepting that I was responsible for my own life and what happens to me. This was not always easy. We are meant to enjoy life and be filled with health, vitality and confidence.
  2. Developing and honing my confidence and my resilience by continually embracing the changes in my new life. To seek joy, happiness and enjoy all the little things that make me smile. It is possible to have moments of enjoyment even in the midst of chaos.
  3. Journaling daily, it constantly re-programs my mind for what I want to bring into my life. It is from that place that I attract and receive. That has now extended to blogging for mature women.
  4. Learning and practicing techniques and processes that I use to this day help me to continue to grow as a person.
  5. Developing the art of forgiveness and gratitude. Part of my journey was writing and self publishing my story, called ‘Beyond Abuse’. In order to be able to write that book I needed to come to a point of forgiveness and show gratitude to Dad and the rapists. I could never have written it otherwise. That message has flowed through then, now and into my future. Forgiveness is not a destination it is a process, it does not happen in a heartbeat. Learning to be patient with my process was a learning curve.

As a result I have become richer in life experience, calmer and more compassionate. Today I chose to work with mature women who have been through life changing challenges. I believe that when we face significant  life stressors we need a hand just like I did. A phrase that I have found useful ‘A helping hand does not stop at the wrist it extends to the heart’.

 

love, gratitude, forgiveness, conmfidence, compassion

If you or someone you know has had a similar experience and is starting over I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me here in a comment or at di@diriddell.com. I offer one on one coaching and also a 21 day online Confidence Challenge.

 

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Heels Heels and Higher Heels

 

 Heels heels and heels

 

For those of us in maturity is was almost ‘expected’ that we would be well dressed, we would be ladies, we would wear proper underwear, stockings and HIGH HEELS!

It will make you look and feel confident they said! 

I took to that like a duck to water was all of the above. After I married a man in the sugar industry, I found that conservative industry had the above unwritten rules.
Yes I said, they make my legs look good, yes they compliment my dress, yes it became part of my identity. I wore them in every colour, every style and every height. the higher the better.

Comfort? What a ridiculous notion if the dress demanded it I wore them… for as long as was required. Side effects- aching legs, calf cramps and squashed toes – that was inconsequential, I wore them anyway.

Moving right along several decades, when I had been speaking for many years, always well dressed, always in heels. Suddenly I developed a balance problem, vertigo serious enough to stop me in my tracks and just a few days before I was MC for a 3 day Convention.

The day came and I had to wear my flatties. I did a deal with myself I wore them while organising and stepped into heels when on show or on stage. Wearing heels was such an integral part of my persona and presentation I felt undressed in flatties.

Today I watched a video from an article in the Huffington Post – the link is:

https://www.facebook.com/HuffingtonPost/videos/10153871507541130/

A few points to think about:

  • 72% of women have worn heels at some point in their lives
  • The sole of the foot has 200,000 nerve endings that send messages to the brain about the ground we walk on. When we wear heels they mess with the messages.
  • 49% of women ages 18-24 wear heels daily
  • High heels push the hips and spine out of alignment

That has given me food for thought so I have decided my ‘expected’ will be –  well dressed, still a lady, lingerie that suits my style, very occasional hose and flatties most of the time. My reward will be wearing heels for a treat!

It is time for me to transfer the confidence I felt in heels to a new found confidence in my flatties.

 What are your thoughts on heels? Do you wear them? Do you love flatties?

Talking about confidence – I am very excited to be sharing here first my 21 day Confidence Challenge  I am OK, I am ready… http://diriddell.com/?p=1710

Commencing   I am running starting in May 23rd…I would love you to join me. 

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