You can HEAL from Betrayal and LOVE your LIFE again

If you are dedicated to improving the quality of your life and cultivating more happiness and peace – then KEEP READING this email.

I have a HUGE surprise for you, that I think you’re going to love…..AND its 100% free, as a GIFT from me, simply because I think you’re worth it.

 

Trust, respect, betrayal. forgiveness

 

Have ever experienced the shock and pain of betrayal from someone you trusted?  And do you still feel affected by it?  If so, then it is still controlling your life and you’re not fully healed – and so this is for you!

  • Perhaps you feel a part of you was ‘stolen’, because now you struggle to trust anyone?…..and you wish you could.

 

  • Or maybe now you just feel flat in life, without the joy and zest you once knew.

 

  • Does it still ‘niggle’ away at you – and every time you think of it, ‘burns’ you up inside? You feel angry most of the time and find yourself over reacting to even the smallest of things.

 

  • Perhaps even your health is suffering as a result of the shock and aftermath of the betrayal.

 

I understand how you feel.  I have experienced all of that during my journey to wholeness and I am here to tell you – you CAN heal the emotional and spiritual wounds of betrayal – I did.

So what’s my GIFT?

Sheilagh Mac (psychotherapist and spiritual teacher), has just pulled together 5 leading transformational experts for a 5 day, information packed tele-summit: Elixir For Soul Freedom Summit.

And not only does she want you to attend COMPLETELY FREE OF CHARGE by simply registering here:

http://bit.ly/2M4T5Wp

she has invited ME to be on the panel of experts!

I feel excited for you, because of what you are about to learn in this online event:

  • The powerful way to restore your ability to trust after betrayal… (if you struggle with trusting others, then you are going to LOVE this talk!)
  • The #1 way to prevent abuse and betrayal from happening again (that you probably haven’t thought of).
  • The most powerful way to find your voice so you can develop the confidence you need to set boundaries”
  • The powerful 4 step process, to dissipate ANY çharged’ emotion.
  • The keys to unlocking and releasing destructive beliefs on a cellular level.
  • How to prevent spiralling into depression without the use of soul-killing antidepressants.
  • The keys to forgiving and moving on from your story of betrayal.
  • And much, much more!

 

Trust, betrayal, love, compassion, forgiveness

 

 

But here’s the best part:

You can attend the tele-summit from the comfort of your bedroom, if you want.

Because this event is going to be delivered directly to your inbox every, single. day. And if you miss a speaker (for whatever reason) you’ll have a chance to access the replays for up to 72 hours after the event.

So here’s the recap:

5 leading experts (myself included) are going to be sharing their stories, their wisdom, their knowledge, on ways to release your emotional wounds AND find peace…..

And you can watch it from the comfort of your own home without having to pay a dime.

So, what are you waiting for? Reserve your spot now by clicking on the registration link below:

http://bit.ly/2M4T5Wp

If you know of a friend who can also benefit from this event, please share.  The free gifts alone are worth it to share.

Do join us

 

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An Experiment of Separating Triplets Through Adoption

Nature versus nurture

In the 1980’s a psychologist took on a macabre experiment of separating triplets placed for adoption.  Only he and the adoption agency were in the know. None of the three adoptive parents was told their son had 2 brothers, that in fact, they were triplets. The psychologist has now passed away. I think the report said the documents were sealed until 2065 (I am not sure I heard the date right but it was years away) before the truth can be revealed.

Three guys met at a University, one mentioned how two of them looked so alike, like twins a mirror image of each other. They began searching and it was uncovered that those two were part of a set of triplets, the 3rd guy had similarities and it further searching and it eventuated that he was the third triplet.

 

confidence, lookin out, adoption, forced adoption, triplets,  self worth

They all asked their adoptive parents and they were never told their son (one of 3) was a triplet.

They studied together, lived together and played together all along trying to find out what had happened. It became too much for one of them and he committed suicide.

Can you imagine the trauma created through this incredible set of events? The birth mother would not have known, the adoptive parents were not told and the triplets were not told. What hurts, pain and anguish as they found out the circumstances around their lives.

 

learning, pain, sepaeration, adoption, forced adoption

Why did this catch my attention this morning? Because I have recently started a search for 2 children who were adopted out by me in the 1960’s. the whole gamut of emotions are involved.

When we undergo a healing process, it is not just for ourselves, we are doing it for others too, like a ripple it spreads. It is coming up healing and raising consciousness for us all. I am honouring that process. We start from where we are now and do what we can do going deeper each time. When we look back over our lives there are things, places, events that require healing. It becomes our choice to do something different and live differently.

As I went through the forgiveness process for my father and the teen rapists, I gained peace, an openness and a sadness as I did wonder what had happened in their lives to cause them to hurt others so deeply. The guilt and fear I had carried for decades I was then able to put down.  I don’t have to understand them, that is their darkness, their wickedness and their stories that they inflicted on me affecting what is one of the most beautiful experiences a woman can have. In forgiving them I have set me free. That was when I knew I ready to publish ‘Beyond Abuse’ in 2006.

There are many examples of separation of mother and child, my story and the story of these triplets is the same dark energy. My journey is not bad, it just is. I am cleaning it up so I can move forward into a new and clean space ready for my beautiful future.

Just when I thought I had all this under control, my mind decided it was ready for me to take on a new challenge, to look deeper. I revisited and re-wrote my story adding men and women’s stories (yes abuse happens to men also) and the day I saw the book online in Amazon, I just knew that I was ready now to begin a search for my two children.

Adoptive Services under Dept of Communities have uncovered the dates and places for me. It was deeply buried I could not access it consciously. It brought home to me that horrendous, horrible and heartbreaking time around the birth of my first son. With my 15 years of self-development work I am now in deep self- work dealing with that coming from a place of loving support and engaged action.

My journey of searching will begin soon through the Post Adoption Services. In fact, it has, I have already had several conversations with them and last weekend I was a speaker at a workshop for people affected by adoption.

The story this morning touched me deeply.  It has been made into a movie and the subject of the movie has caught the attention of the media.

 Nature versus nurture –how blasé a comment! I ask you where is the humanity in that?

 

At last, looking after you

 Do you have a story to share around adoption and secrecy? If so, I would love to hear from you.

You can connect with me at di@diriddell.com, phone 0409 638 248  or on Facebook on https://www.facebook.com/ConfidenceBeyond50/

News on my recently released book

Beyond Abuse: A Recovery Guide for Men and Women in a Era of Me, and All of Us, Too

 Are you caught in the cycle of abuse?  Or is someone you know and love in an abusive relationship?

                                              THIS BOOK IS FOR THEM AND YOU.

Speaking from my heart to your heart act now… before it is too late.

This book is an inspirational self- help read for anyone who has been affected by any kind of abuse- mental, physical, sexual, non- violent within a marriage, or harassment.

The key word is ‘beyond’, this book has tips and strategies for living life differently. You can’t do that if you maintain the same mindset as that of a victim.

For your copy click on http://wp.me/P3QTcY-v4 and select your choice for reading. 

Beyond Abuse, living life differently

 

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What Did We Do Before Technology – on the lighter side

Every second Thursday I am thrilled to be part of a 3UA Writing for Pleasure Group. We are led by Margaret Hede an amazingly compassionate and supportive lady. Each fortnight we have a topic, write on it and share in the group. I am amazed at how one topic can take so many different twists. It is a delight hearing how others create their stories. We all love stories.

Today I am sharing the stories of Roma Hines and Marjorie Edwards as they reflect back to a life without technology. 

Roma’s story…

Technology is all around us.  Transport and  Communication are the BIG ONES.

Let’s start with TRANSPORT.

The year was 1944 and my first year at High School.   Living in country NSW, just arriving at High School in Newcastle needed a well -constructed plan.   Leave our farmhouse at 6.30 am on my pushbike, ride 2 miles to the main road.  Park the bike at a nearby house, catch the school bus to Stockton, catch the ferry to Newcastle side of the Hunter River, catch a bus to Newcastle West, then walk another mile to reach high school before 9 am.  Country kids are very adaptable and I accepted this as the norm.   But when Winter started, my bike ride was not pleasant.  In fact, it was freezing when the Westerlies were blowing a tailwind.

 My brother to the rescue.   Rabbit trapping being his great hobby – and source of income; he tied a rabbit skin over each handlebar with a nice wide opening for handlebar my hands inside on to the warm fluffy fur.     The warmest gloves ever.   Then he turned the wretched westerly wind to an advantage.  He constructed a little sail out of an old chaff bag, held upright with sticks threaded each side and top of the sail.  This was attached to the back of my bike rack.  Thus, providing me with protection from the cold wind, at the same time, increasing my speed by a couple of knots.

There was not much finesse with this new technology, but as the only ones to gaze suspiciously at the contraption were the cows, it didn’t matter.

And COMMUNICATION:  it’s all about getting the message through.    Right? Alexander Bell had no idea what he’d started with his invention of the telephone. In rural areas ‘the party line’ was a huge jump in technology.   Also the source of breaking boredom associated with living 5 miles from your nearest neighbour. Our call sign was two long rings and one short.   We can be excused for picking up the receiver with our hand carefully covering it, so our breathing wasn’t detected,  just in case the call wasn’t really for us.   And hanging on long enough to hear the conversation between the other two parties, just to make sure.   And anyway, if the call was to say that those Uptons were getting another visit from that drunken sod of a brother, it was only right that we should know so we could warn the other families.

Then there was Market Day.  Usually a Friday.  The farmers and their wives would down tools and head for the village centre.  Stocking up with goods, and all the local gossip.  Exchanging ideas on new farm developments over a beer in the local.    And the ladies swapping recipes at the CWA tea rooms. Communication of facts gleaned with warmth and good cheer.

 And remember Cricket in Bradman’s Day? Dad was cricket mad and a great fan of ‘The Don’.  When the Test was on between the Aussies and the Poms, we had a pre-arranged signal.  As I was the ‘housekeeper’ while Mum worked in the Packing Shed, I had to listen to the wireless; and when Bradman made his century, I would hang a big white bed sheet on the clothes line, then prop the line up as high as I could, so Dad could see it from the paddock up the farm.  So, the message got through!

                Communication whose process harmed nobody!

                No trolls telling you to ‘self -harm’.

                No one falling down the steps whilst thumbs were working the iphones.

                And best of all.   People looked into each other’s faces and SPOKE.

 

Confidence, standing together, facing fears

And Marjorie’s story

Neighbours gathered around the greengrocer’s van and chatted. Another day it was the horse-drawn bread truck. These purveyors of fresh goods could rely on customers, because life was simpler, one income enough, and Mum stayed at home to wash, clean, cook and sew. We were the children of post-war homes that started, however, to see a great leap forward in technology. We were amazed by flicking a switch to turn on lights and power electric appliances. The toilet moved inside!! Soon there was more power for hot water, so we didn’t have to scavenge for wood offcuts from houses being built nearby. The frig improved, and we saw the demise of the visiting ice truck delivering dry ice for freezer boxes, and then bakers and greengrocers. Cars became a necessity and convenience. Public transport lagged behind, as ever! Planners couldn’t cope with the new urban sprawl.

More and more conveniences made life easier, while more jobs and less arduous housekeeping enabled women to go out to earn extra income. More income meant wonderful consumer goods not known to us before, with washing machines, electric ovens, nicer cars, a second car, and oh, the wondrous television set! We didn’t hanker for more. It simply had us trying to keep up.

We already had the telephone in most cases. This heavy black item with twisting cord became essential. The twisting cord you might say was symbolic of future communications, that even now has many problems to untangle. But with the advent of electronics, everything we touched was constantly upgraded. The consumer society was in full swing. You had to have this new product, even that vehicle because the family next door or down the street had it. And advertising was big business.

Then came the digital revolution. Wow! It invaded everything we did, absorbing us, informing us via the internet, connecting us with family and friends anywhere, anytime. Children claimed to be smarter than their parents because it was easier for the kids to just grow with it. The adults of our generation were struggling digital immigrants. We had to migrate into a new age, piecemeal. Information technology and social media were not in our DNA.

Is this revolution good or bad? We are better informed than any peoples before us. Developing nations benefit from faster progress and cheaper goods. Sadly their peoples are exploited too. We need to be aware of that. To be responsible, as we benefit from being so well informed and easily connected across the world. And just watch for the downsides in our own lives. Being always connected to our “essential” devices, by some invisible umbilical cord, can seriously invade family time and even chatting with friends. We are expected to carry a phone everywhere, for security and safety and connectedness.

Time is spent on computers in some form, rather than getting out and about and enjoying the world in nature. Even walkers have their eyes on a little screen and their ears plugged. They can’t hear the birds or the sea, or the wind in the trees, and can’t see you! There is no break from it. While more opportunities for business, travel and recreating open up, we can’t have a day off from the phone, from the tensions of keeping connected. It must tag along.

The revolution in technologies is marvellous overall. And it needs power! We forget that just complaining about its cost. The cost of petrol, of heating our homes, of bills for phone and internet. These are closer to us than the problems arising from producing this power, and their effect on the health of our planet and ourselves. In Australia, electricity consumption per capita increased five times between 1962 and 2014. Add to that the considerable offshore energy consumption by companies like Google and Facebook. The data we use. We also produce, in a year, about 20 metric tons of carbon emissions, each! Let’s all slow down a bit. Go outside and tend that tree.

Sharing our stories are a wonderful way of connecting. Have you thought about talking to you Grandma or nanna and hearing her stories of life before technology as we know it today? if not these stories may prompt you to do so. I hope so. 

I invite you to post your story for the pleasure of other readers. 

You can connect with me at di@diriddell.com or on Facebook on https://www.facebook.com/ConfidenceBeyond50/

News on my recently released book

Beyond Abuse: A Recovery Guide for Men and Women in a Era of Me, and All of Us, Too

 Are you caught in the cycle of abuse?  Or is someone you know and love in an abusive relationship?

                                              THIS BOOK IS FOR THEM AND YOU.

Speaking from my heart to your heart act now… before it is too late.

This book is an inspirational self- help read for anyone who has been affected by any kind of abuse- mental, physical, sexual, non- violent within a marriage, or harassment.

The key word is ‘beyond’, this book has tips and strategies for living life differently. You can’t do that if you maintain the same mindset as that of a victim.

For your copy click on http://wp.me/P3QTcY-v4 and select your choice for reading. 

Beyond Abuse, living life differently

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Accidental Author

I am an accidental author. It never crossed my mind to write a book.

 

accidental author, writing, blogging, overcoming fear,

My background was nursing, writing especially writing creatively was not part of the job description. 40 years ago I joined Toastmasters and began writing speeches. Most of those for 5-7mins. Not exactly committed writing is it?

Yet reading has always been a passion. “Words and books have the power to ignite our imagination, to help us see the world through perspectives other than our own and leave us in awe and wonder of the marvels of the human spirit.

 

reading, fun, passion, joy,

You get to love the characters and live their life. To put yourself in the ‘for instance’.

Reading took me to places I had not contemplated – it allows you to lead a vicarious life.

In 2002 my world as I knew it ceased to exist. My beautiful husband of 31 years left for the heavenly fields and I will ill-equipped to cope. I was terrified of being alone, terrified I would not cope, terrified of facing a new life. So, I did what I knew best and that was to push myself until I dropped. One year later I did exactly that at 51kgs I was a physical, emotional and spiritual wreck. And just to add to the mix I was computer illiterate. Les had done all my computer work for me.

 

writing, healing, time for you

At my lowest point, I began journaling. I am on such a deep journey of healing: the kind where all my walls came down and I was faced with the raw emotion and truth of who I was and how I felt about life. I had lost my identity along with my husband

It wasn’t easy. I was facing my own vulnerabilities and a pile of negatives you could not jump over. I was seeking, seeking, to let go, to see myself in a new light and move forward. Who can Di Riddell be in this world. What is possible for her?

My heart took me to great places and I began to understand that love conquers all and it starts with self- love.

 

wisdom and weeping and quiet confidence

There were serious challenges along the way that dented my confidence, coping, handling things I had never had to handle before. I was letting myself think that my shortcomings were failures and that lessons were burdens, and I was carrying them on my own shoulders.

Yet journaling and a serious move into anything about self-development took hold of me and took on a life of its own. About this time, I joined National Speakers and Robyn Henderson said those magic words – I think you have got a book in you’ – I looked at her aghast! Like what????

Time to ‘fess up again, I could not create or write at the computer. I would write in longhand and then type. My typing could not keep up with my thoughts and if I stopped to correct I would lose my train of thought. By that time, I was learning more about technology. How many times I sat and sobbed, and cried and sometimes screamed ’I love technology, technology loves me’ over and over again.

My plan to write then got all muddled up with my personal story. A story that had been kept secret for 45 years. To tell it I knew I needed to dive deeply into forgiveness for my father who was a violent alcoholic and the 3 guys who pack raped me as a teenager resulting in a pregnancy and an adoption. It was when I got to that point that I could write openly, authentically and from my heart.

 

process, organise, write, enjoy, edit, publish, link

I did not have a clue where or how to start. My process on Robyn’s advice was to do a brain dump. I dedicated my spare bed downstairs for the exercise. Every time I thought of something I would write it on a post- it- note and leave it on the bed. No judging, every thought was worth a note. After about 2 weeks I had exhausted that avenue.

Collation came next, into piles covering topics. If I had 20 in one pile, I broke it up into 2 or 3 areas. Where I had 2 in a pile, I either incorporated it into another or thought it not relevant and discarded it. Each of those plies went into a plastic sleeve with the topic on the outside.

You see when I thought I would write from the beginning, I would get blocked, not knowing quite where to start and getting hung up on every sentence,

The plastic sleeves were my saviour. When I was ready to write I would choose what I felt like writing about that day. That way my creative spirit was happy and words flowed freely, by this time I was typing.

I mean like how long would it take me to hand write then type?

What was I thinking?

Where was my head?

As I wrote I looked for other styles, what others had said. But this was my story. My lesson was “When You Write the Story of Your Life, Don’t Let Anyone Else Hold the Pen”. My writing is real, raw, and authentic – just like me!

 

writing in your voice, real, raw, authentic

Once I had covered all the topics, I collated them into an order for the book then wrote the links to draw them together. The opening and closing chapters I wrote last.

Next came the editing, book cover, typesetter and publisher. And just when I thought I was done… the launch and marketing, speaking, more writing. I thought sending off the manuscript was it. ‘Beyond Abuse’ was out there, my secret story now public knowledge.

Why would I do that? If I can prevent another woman going through challenges like mine then my job is done.

Completing that book opened doors I had never seen. I moved in different directions, started a support group for women who had been abused, created a 6 week program for women starting over, spoke to groups and continued writing. The cover of the original book.

Fear, anxiety, lack of confidence, resilience

Writing for the web and a blog were my next challenge. My first blog was called ‘Paint the Ceiling Beige’ after regaling a blogger with stories of internet dating. I will let your mind take you from there. That kept me out of mischief for a few years.

Then, in the process of doing a promotional video for my website, I was challenged to do an update, to answer questions I had been asked over the last 10 years. I sent the original files to a new editor, then found out she lives in New York not SE Qld like I thought. Nic came back with several areas she considered I had glossed over. I wrote on those, I did answer questions I had been asked. Then she suggested I add men’s stories, abuse happens to men also, so I did. Men are not being heard and their suicide rate is increasing. Then Nic thought we should balance it with women’s stories and I did.

My greatest surprise was when I went to incorporate that new writing into the original copy…it did not fit. I had changed that much. We put the new material at the end of each chapter as well as doing chapter revisions. A new opening and new closing and a new forward completed the writing.

2 weeks ago ‘Beyond Abuse- – a recovery guide for men and women in an era of me, and all of us, too was released. In 3 days it was No 1 best seller on Amazon Australia for new releases in self- help.

 

Beyond Abuse

The day I opened the link and saw it live on Amazon…I thought I am ready…it’s time’. My author journey has opened me to search for the 2 children I adopted out as a teenager. That journey may well be my next book.

Thoughts I would like to share as I dive into an extension of my writing is I am planning a Web TV program ‘Uplifting Humanity’ – one person at a time. it is 2018 we are shifting humanity and raising consciousness – not playing I’m going to get you, you bastard games. We are opening to more expansive views leading to deeper conversations

We are never done, this story is just starting. Abuse is not going away despite the millions of $$$ spent on it. I am asking what can we do differently? As a catalyst for change, I am seeking answers to questions so those who are hurting badly, coming though, knowing where to go and, what to do. I am there as a guide and a resource.

Writing my books has gone beyond the pen, it has opened up new and varied avenues. Together we can help to make the world a safer place and I would love to say one free of abuse. Love will conquer all.

 

Confidence, standing together, facing fears

I bless being a writer and bless even more those amazing beautiful people who assisted me and those who will be with me on this journey.

If you would like a copy of the book click on  the link…  http://wp.me/P3QTcY-v4

If you would like to see me speak in an interview  click here… https://youtu.be/oxDiR5uskdctt

If you would like to make contact with me … drop me a line at di@diriddellcom

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Dianna, Dianne and Di

What’s in a name?
‘Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you’.  have you heard those words before? My guess is a resounding yes.

True words don’t break bones, but they can have a massive negative impact on a person for days, years or decades.

When I was 4, it was my grandparents 60th Wedding Anniversary. It was a big dinner and my Dad was a man around town and thought he was pretty good. As he was speaking he said something that was not true. I don’t remember what it was. What I do remember is getting a humungous hiding.

 

old times, grandparents, austere, celebration

What my four-year-old mind took from that was –
  • What I have to say is not important
  • It is not safe to speak up
  • He told a lie and I got into trouble for pointing it out.
A big burden for a little girl to carry, and she carried for decades.
My birth name is Dianna, then I was Dianne, today I am Di.
Is that significant? Ye,s it is! As a child,  I detested Dianna and never knew exactly why! That is not exactly a smile you see on my young dace.

 

ages of Di, sulky child, confident woman and compassionate in maturity

I grew up in a violent alcoholic household and grew up keeping quiet, staying out of the way with no self- confidence, no self -esteem and no self- worth. At 15 I was a victim of pack rape and a pregnancy and adoption followed. The welfare workers told me I was a disgrace to my family, my town, country and Universe and I should go nursing, get out of society’s way as no decent man would ever want me. So I did and became officious and efficient, after all, I thought that would be my future.
Despite their dire predictions, I met a wonderful man, gosh he was a blind date. That’s what happened in the 60’s guys would ring the nurse’s quarters looking for a date. As the self-appointed officious one, I would send them off with a flea in their ear, until that fateful day I answered the phone. This polite male voice said he was in town for a Conference and was looking for someone to accompany him to the opening dinner. Before I could think, I had said yes. I think partly because it was whoppee a free meal! Nurses were poorly paid back then.
Nurses also have a wicked sense of humour. When someone was going on a blind date we would turn off the verandah lights, sit on the floor and peer through the railings and watch the circular driveway. Our observation included – was it a decent car, could he drive straight, when he got out of his car was he well dressed,  could he walk straight and what was his manner when asking for you. Based on those criteria we said a yes or no and either we dated or we didn’t. for me, it was a yes and off I went.
The rest is history, we married. He had 4 children aged 10 – 16 and I was 24 and I had a past. What a combination, yet it worked. We had a wonderful 31-year marriage until his death in 2002. Was it all roses? Noooooooooo but I kept him on his toes and we had many a spirited discussion on our differences and life was never dull.

 

love, respect, relationships, caring

He encouraged me to join Toastmasters. There was a time when I found looking after 4 teenagers and out baby took more time and effort then I expected. Learning to entertain and be the corporate wife gave me plenty of scope for self-improvement. My confidence plummeted and Toastmasters was my answer to moving forward.

Our adventures are too many to mention but it was good…

In 2002, the unthinkable happened. Les passed away. Life then challenged me after his death. I ran myself into the ground and dropped to 51 kgs.  I was like a match stick with the wood scraped off it. A health scare put life into perspective. Then began an amazing, crazy, challenging fun and a not so fun self- development journey which will continue till I leave this earth.
Some of those things include joining Al-Anon, Wildly Wealthy Women, Wealth Dynamics, Toastmasters, National Speakers. Doing amazing workshops and learnings from books like Michael Rowlins, Louise Hay, Brandon Bays, Julia Cameron and Sark.  I loved great activities like mind mapping, meditating, vision boards and journaling. Each thing I did opened the door for me to go deeper and deeper.

 

learning, doing, susceeding, confidence,

As I dealt with my grief, my past came bubbling up, journaling became a way of life. And it evolved, taking parts from the journals,  writing to become serious writing and that culminated in my writing and self-publishing my story ‘Beyond Abuse’ in 2006. I wrote about it, ran programs about it and took on  speaking gigs about it
Other things started happening creating a website, blogging, interviewing and having fun for 6 months as host on a blog radio show and creating videos maybe even a web TV will happen. Something like ‘Uplifting Humanity…one person at a time.’
6 months ago I became a Christian and realisation of the power of the Divine Hand that had my back all along while giving me challenges that would put me in the place I am in today. . Did I mention I have that special man in my life Pete… he’s a great guy.

 

2nd relationship, fun, caring, trust

Now, my updated book ‘Beyond Abuse – a recovery guide for men and women in an era of me and all of us , too is published on and Amazon. The last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind.

 

Beyond Abuse

Do pop over and take a peek… http://diriddell.com/beyond-abuse-recovery-guide-men-women-era-us/

Now about those names… it has clicked how my name has had an effect at different stages of my life.  All the bad stuff happened to Dianna. I matured into Dianne the productive, active, energised community-minded bombshell. Today I am Di, and have mellowed into a caring, compassionate and confident woman. It is my mission to uplift humanity one person at a time by demonstrating how to find hope and possibilities through before, during and beyond challenges.

What’s in a  name? Everything. The first thing you learn about someone is their name and from that moment we start making judgments and forming impressions… I am often asked ‘what would you know about not having confidence Di?’ the Di of today bears no resemblance to that scared 15-year-old.
Let’s support each other, build up not tear down, support not hinder and love… starting with self-love.

 

Love, self love, self esteem, sef worth

If the book touches your heart and you would like more information email at di@diriddell.com
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‘I love technology, technology loves me’

‘I love technology, technology loves me’ That was my chant for years as I said the words over and over, and there were rivers of tears to accompany it. Gradually they grew less and I improved.

At this moment I am a part of a 3 UA group Writing for Pleasure , this week out task was to write on technology…

 

technology, confidence, no confidence, fear, anxiety, can't do it, yes I can

Technology, I feel, has this little imp in it that waits for you to ‘feel you are catching on’ and it slips in a challenge and says ‘whamo…see how you like that!’ And then laughs and laughs and laughs.
Back in the 80’s when we got our first computer, it was a word processor, a TRS80 and next we got a real PC. I could not see myself ever using it. As a matter of fact, when I ventured near it my husband sent me scuttling off. Gosh every time I touched it, it would have a hissy fit.
The conversation would go something like this:
(Him) What did you do?
(Me) Nothing
I don’t think I need to go further. The rules were set in stone… I asked and he did whatever I wanted.
This was a time when I was very involved in a number of organisations, I would come home and type it up then he would ‘organise it’ and ‘correct me’ – you can imagine how that went down. Some very spirited conversations ensued.
All went perfectly until his death in 2002 – that was when the rubber hit the road. I was still heavily involved and had not a clue what to do with ‘the machine’ which by this time had been updated a number of times.
Saying it was a steep learning curve is a truth. Saying I became proficient overnight would be taking liberty with the said truth.

 

learning, doing, susceeding, confidence,

Gradually, I learned, grew in confidence, tried several things, succeeded in some and failed miserably in others. Now, I am far from an expert but I manage quite well.
Today some of what I do is maintain my own website, write a blog, have a personal and business Facebook page (Confidence Beyond 50), am an Admin for 2 wonderful FB Groups ‘Health From The Heart’ and ‘Learn with Grandma Australia, run a online 21 day Challenge, discovered the delights of Pinterest (I can get lost in there for hours), play as often as I can in Canva creating images (more hours). Power Point I have used to create a photographical life record of several family members and I have just about conquered my mobile phone intricacies.
For 6 months I had the privilege of hosting for a blog-radio station interviewing amazing mature women. A whole new level of technology was required for me to run my studio and it was broadcast out of the California all through my computer.
Does all that make me super technie? NO! Do I still have challenges – you betcha!
 help, being open, overcoming fears, confidence, no confidence
What helped me?
• Listening and taking notes, I go back to them all the time
• Learn by doing, someone flicking quickly does not work for me
• Always being willing to ask for help
• Getting involved in FB groups and asking away and participating
• Being prepared to have a go, once I realised I could not break it
• Realised that when something happens it is not always me at fault. I used to beat myself up on this one.
• Being Ok with having the occasional hissy fit, it makes me feel better
• Keeping in very, very good with my IT son
• As a last resort turn everything off and turn it back on again – it fixes many ills
How amazing and lucky we are to live in this time, to have the technology to reach out into the world. As I look forward to my future when I may not be as mobile as I am today technology will keep me connected and switched on.
What thrills me right now is my book, just released. Titled “Beyond Abuse – a recovery guide for men and women in an era of me, all of us, too’…. It went up on Amazon last week and within 3 days was #1 best seller for Amazon Australia in self- help. This book was originally written and self-published 10 years ago and it was my story. The new book is an extension of my story and also includes men and women’s stories. An editor/publisher was suggested to me, when I contacted her I found that she lives in New York. All our business has been conducted online, Nic and I have not met.
Then out of the blue I was contacted and asked would I like to be part of an Author’s Expo locally on June 9th with an opportunity to speak on my author’s journey.
I have now also made the decision to follow through on an adoption issue, it is like when you complete one thing another door cracks open giving us a choice to step through or not. I have chosen to step through. Stay tuned for updates.
Over the years there have been many podcast interviews the latest by a lady from NZ who made contact with me through a FB group.
None of this would have happened without technology.

I say ‘I love technology, technology loves me’ for different reasons today, I have learned to embrace it and roll with the punches.

 

embracing technology, confidence in technology

 How has your journey with technology gone?

 

The new book…. the link if you would like to grab a copy

https://www.amazon.com.au/Beyond-Abuse-Recovery-Guide-Women-ebook/dp/B07D257YJJ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526519088&sr=8-1

abuse, knows no boundaries, self help, confidence, fear, anxious

 

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3 Secrets to Forgiveness

Have you ever heard the phrase ‘forgive them’ then thought NEVER, NEVER EVER! Holding onto that unforgiveness can cause us physical and emotional issues years even decades later.
Do you think that person who did you wrong is sitting thinking about it? Not likely, they have moved to some other mischief, and you are left hurting you by holding on and refusing to let go.

 

Forgiveness, recieving, love, compassion, beyond abuse

As a young teen I was pack raped and a pregnancy and adoption followed. Tough stuff to deal with in the 1960’s. Deep down I held that unforgiveness covering it up with being super crazy busy in life. That did help me cope, it covered the pain so I did not have time to think about it.
Then it occurred to me the rapists took one night of my life, I let them take another 43 years. I am sure they were not sitting around 43 years later saying ‘remember that girl’. I was hurting me by holding on.
It took dealing with the grief after my husband passed away for me to make that choice. When I made the choice to say ‘enough’ I started my healing and forgiveness journey. To realise I was losing sleep and holding bitterness in my heart.
Was it easy? No, it wasn’t.
Did it happen in a heartbeat? No, it didn’t.
Did I give up? No, I didn’t.
It started by forgiving myself, that was radical action. Often the hardest part is to forgive ourselves.
Forgiveness is hard because when I stuffed up I wanted grace, but when someone hurt me I want judgment on them. Judgement is not my call, I have made my peace, they will follow their own path.
My 3 secrets to Forgiveness are

 

 

forgiveness, secrest, its for you, all about you, confidence, compassion, empathy love, self love

 

1. Forgiveness, it is for YOU so you can move on with your life and find peace. You are not condoning or saying it did not happen. You are talking care of you.
2. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling and you can begin the process before you feel you are ready.
3. Forgiveness is not a one- time action, it is an active, daily choice. You may need to do it over and over.
Be gentle with yourself, take the time to pray, write, use rituals I find tapping EFT very beneficial. Take your time, take small steps and again… be gentle with yourself.
 Di Riddell author of Beyond Abuse … a recovery guide for men and women in an era of me, and all of us, too.
https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B07D257YJJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_ep_dp_IPo-AbRV6NRX4
Di’s book is about helping men and women recover from mental and physical abuse of all kinds. Get your copy at Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D257YJJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_ep_dp_m0G-AbKF47ZDK —.
Are you curious? The forward gives a sneak preview you will need to purchase to get the whole story!!
‘Eighteen months ago I interviewed Di Riddel for The Point TV.
I opened with the following statement … “At 69 she is the picture of health and vitality. A confident woman empowering other women. To the observer, her life has a picture book quality, yet, when you look behind the scenes, her childhood was one of sheer terror and emotional deprivation. For years she was subjected to repeated psychological abuse and lived in fear of her own and her mother’s life. At the age of 15 she was gang raped and fell pregnant and was forced to surrender the child. It’s hard to believe “happy ever after” is how this story could end. In the first edition of her book Beyond Abuse, Di Riddell speaks not just of survival…but thrival.”

 

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The Joyous Imperfection of Motherhood.

 

Oohh how I knew it all! how I thought I knew it all. What an amazing Mum I was going to be.

 Confidence, overconfident, too cocky, mothers day

 

Suddenly you realise that motherhood does not come with an instruction manual. When I ponder on this, I would probably have bypassed it anyway – like who… reads a manual?

 All those things my mother did (that I thought could be improved upon) …I was never going to do. All those things other people did to appease their children…I was not going to do them either. Because I knew better, I knew it all.

 Motherhood is not a straight line to success. It is like the image that shows a straight line for success then there is the one that wiggles all over the place. That is motherhood. It is the most exhilarating, exciting, loving, deep and fantastic thing that can happen to any women. It satisfies our deepest need that of reproduction, it creates a bond that is there for life, it creates the next dimension in the relationship with your beloved. Then add into the mix the frustrations, sleepless nights, agonies over am I doing the right thing, tearing your hair out and you have the perfect mix – the joyous imperfection of motherhood.

 To set the scene I am looking back over motherhood from the age of 70 so I have many experiences ranging from the miniscule to the monumental to reflect back over. I thought I would do it over the decades. There have been so many opportunities for self-growth through my years of motherhood.

 Reflecting on my Mum from when I was a child – she taught me was unconditional love and a love of reading – my fondest memories were of sitting before the wood stove in winter all curled up listening to her soft voice reading the same stories over and over. She also taught me about love, respect and listening. She never tired of hearing about what I was up to until she passed away aged 92.

 

 babyhood, no pics with mum, smiling, motherhood,

In my teens, I was a victim of pack rape. A pregnancy and adoption followed, they were my darkest days. It skewed my idea of motherhood for a number of years. The welfare workers of the day (this was the 1960’s) told me I was beyond redemption, a disgrace to myself and everyone else up to and including the Universe. ‘Go nursing’ they said, ‘no decent man will ever want you’. So I did, I did not think marriage or motherhood was ever going to be for me.

 Moving into my 20’s I met this wonderful man who thought the sun, moon and stars shone out of me and we married. I was 24 and he had 4 children aged 10-16. Being a stepmother was never in the plan and in the 70’s it made me an oddity in the community, blended families were a change from the norm… A year later we had a son together. Having 5 children blew every notion I had about motherhood out the window. I was so busy doing what had to be done all fancy thoughts, judgements and high and mighty ideas disappeared. Looking back now there were so many things I could have done better. A wise friend told me in later years that ‘I did the best with the skills I had at that time.’ Sure, I would do it differently today, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

 

Motherhood, happiness, unconditional love

Into my 30’s I became a mother -in -law and a grandmother. I was definitely not ready to be ‘Granny’ at 35. My 30’s and 40 saw me as a mediator, supporter, sometimes the enemy, organiser, fixer and confidante. The kids grew up, the grandchildren grew up and my role changed with every season.

 My thoughts today are that motherhood is not a right and children are not possessions, we do not own them. It is the greatest privilege that can be bestowed on a couple to become a Mum and a Dad. We are their caretakers, there to love, cherish and guide them into adulthood. To give your children the skills to fly alone, to support them through difficult years, be that shoulder to cry one, the best cheerleader in the world and to teach them to be independent is a huge responsibility.

 In my mid-fifties, I became a widow and the children came to my aid. It changed the relationships and they became the carer when I was again in a dark place. Today my grandchildren ranging in age from 6 to 36 and there are now great grandchildren. Families are not all about everlasting happiness, not about never having a challenge, not about agreeing all the time. Things happen, life happens. What is important is to always leave the door open and use your unconditional love in the way that best suits your situation.

 My wish now is to be a role model for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren so in time they will look back with love and fondness and cherish their memories of Grannie Di. For them to she had her ways, but it is Ok that she was ‘perfectly imperfect’.

 Parenting has changed and I am in awe of how young mothers cope today. Each generation has their own challenges and triumphs.

 Wherever you are in your years of your motherhood, know you are beautiful, watched over and you enjoy the privilege of experiencing the joyous imperfection of being a mother. I urge you lose yourself in your unconditional love and to forgive yourself for the times when it goes belly up. It truly is the most rewarding role you will have ever.

 Even when your Mum drives you crazy, remember she brought you into this world and made sacrifice’s you may never be aware of…love her anyway.

 Huge hugs and happy mothering.

Di Riddell

Confidence for Women 50+ after facing a life-changing challenge

Author of “Beyond Abuse’

WEB www.diriddell.com

FB http://www.facebook.com/ConfidenceBeyond50

P http://www.pinterest.com/dimr47/

YT https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQZgMOxcCVuzcYB4wZNQ50Q

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Dinner with a Difference

 

Let’s start with a question… Have you ever not done something for a while, then when you do it you remember how much pleasure it gave you?

 

confidence in cooking, creative dinners, cooking is fun

I did! It was hosting a dinner party. It’s so long since I did that. For some crazy reason I stopped entertaining after the death of my husband. At that time, it was ‘I did not feel I deserved to be happy when he was not here’. I let that thought influence me for years.

It seemed the right time, having recently moved onto a new home which I am loving setting up to be just me. That is another story.

How I enjoyed the planning, preparation and delivery along with the wonderful conversations and many laughs during the evening.

Gee, I even cleaned the silver cutlery set. It had not been used in years and it was not half as bad as I remembered. Would you believe that I threw out quite a bit of silver when I left Nambour as I didn’t want to clean it. Just as well the cutlery set was boxed.

 

cleaning silver, cutlery for dinner,

 

Now from the photo it might look like there is no action behind me, believe me there had been earlier and there was much more later. I was so engrossed in the evening I for got to take more photos and had not thought about a blog post then. However it was good to sit down with a wine when I was done preparing and we are waiting for our guests.

The best part was hosting new friends, lost of laughs and  great conversation flowed through the evening.

 

set for dinner, confidence in preparation, relaxing before guests

 

In years gone by we used to have dinner parties with 3 couples each providing a course – one for entree, one for main and one for desert. Whoever was creating the main course hosted and invited one other couple preferably someone the others did not know. So, it was always dinner for 8.

The process – on arrival the hosts provided the nibbles while the entrée team prepared. When done we moved to the table and indulged. The entrée team then cleaned up and came back to the table.

The hosts then left to complete the main course preparation. We got to indulge again… that team cleaned up and returned to the table.

The desert team then did the same with their course. When we first started these dinner events and doing desert I went off to buy a desert wine. Never having tasted one before and seeing the ‘small’ bottle, I purchased two just to be sure. OMG it was soooooooo sweet, ghastly in fact. One of the many lessons learned as we progressed.

At the end of the evening the hosts provided coffee and chocolate. Everyone then having had one fabulous evening, great company and different and interesting food left for home. The hosts had only the coffee cups and wine glasses to clean up. I thought that was wonderful having hosted dinner parties and been left with a mountain of cleaning up to do at the end of the night.

 

Why you ask?

• 8 people so there is always 6 at the table to enhance conversation

• With the extra couple you are meeting and socialising with someone new on a regular basis

• Because you are seeking different recipes fabulous food is ensured

• With each providing a course the host has as much interaction and enjoyment as the guests.

• It is a wonderful excuse to get dressed up and enjoy

• In appreciation of sitting round a table and chatting

It was dinner with a difference.

 

 What did we have?

An entrée of asparagus 2 mins in the microwave, with berries sautéed in butter and sprinkled with lime juice. Followed by Thai Chicken and Orange Curry served with rice and completed with frozen grapes with Cointreau drizzled over them and ice cream.

 

dinner menu, dinner with a difference

 

When you have a dinner party what do you like to cook? I would love you to share.

 

For further contact with me, you can find me at:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/confidencebeyond50

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/dimr47/

Twitter https://twitter.com/diconfident

Instagram: www.instagram.com/dimr47

Tumblr https://blogdilove.tumblr.com/

Youtube Di Riddell Confidence Beyond 50 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQZgMOxcCVuzcYB4wZNQ50Q

Linkedin https://au.linkedin.com/in/diriddell

 

 

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The Gift of Confidence After The Ravages Of Rape

Have you ever been sitting in a cafe and watched a confident woman walk towards you, she stands tall and straight, she walks at an easy flowing pace, she has a lovely smile on her face – she just looks confident and comfortable in her own skin. She owns the space around her. Have you then thought ‘I want some of what she has got’?
You would like to be that woman but right now you may be feeling –
• Flattened after a life changing event like a rape. You are overwhelmed, anxious, lost, you are seeking but not sure what. Your trust is at zero level.
• You don’t like your body, you feel ashamed, embarrassed or feel tainted
• You may be scared to reach out because you don’t want anyone to know you are not coping.
• You may be thinking I am alone. Everyone else seems to be coping why can’t I? How can they go about their ordinary day when my world has fallen apart?
• The ‘if only’s’ flood your mind and stop you from doing things, fear races through you.
• You deflect what is going so you don’t have to face a new future with just you.
• You just don’t want that stuff anymore, you are ready and willing to make a positive change but don’t know how.
We can do something about that.
 Let’s stop and ponder for a moment about the gift of confidence, it is a gift that goes on giving. It is a cornerstone of life that supports you in everything that you do. It is a living breathing energy that waxes and wanes, it is not still and stagnant. You don’t ‘get it’ once, hang it on the wall and have it forever. Confidence can be shaken or shattered by experiences and your life can change in a heartbeat. Rape is one of those experiences.

 

Confidence, self esteem self worth anxious, confidence,

 

 

When you gain or regain confidence after your body has been ravaged, damaged and discarded, it a gift. A gift that will make you strong, a gift that will make you aware and a gift that will support you as you move forwards.
 So, what is Confidence? It is that extraordinary energy in you that is attractive, strong, vibrant and engaging. You know it when you see it…and say ‘I want some of that’. In fact, it is the sweetener of life.

 

self confidence, self esteem, overcoming fears, mature women , confidence beyond 50

“We know that confidence and resiliency reign because we have survived to tell our tales of success and misfortune, trauma and abuse. Indeed, we are built to be able to go to the edge of life and come back with our heart and soul elevated.... We are built to be resilient, to be able to step up and over rocky terrain and gain confidence.”

Let me introduce you to my Confidence Tree – You may be going along in life smoothly, feeling very confident when suddenly life gives you a shake or a shudder. It feels like the bottom has fallen out of your world and you ask where is my confidence when I need it?

Actually, it is still in there, waiting to surface, it is temporarily buried.
Picture a bonsai tree with it sturdy branches slightly curved coming from a firm strong trunk. When you are confident you are sitting on top of that tree. When something happens, an event, you fall a few branches.
You feel you have hit bottom, the roots or worse gone underground.
When you have the strategies to access your inner confidence and bring it to work in your current situation then you know the secret of my confidence tree.

 

Self esteem self worth self respect

Starting from where you are now, you can climb back up that tree. What can cause you to fall? There is a myriad of reasons and rape is a biggie.
 Let’s be honest, life is not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes we struggle within ourselves, sometimes we lose our footing, sometimes we simply need to surrender and reach out for help.
 When you reach out for help, you get to see your challenge through another set of ears, another set of eyes and share another’s heart space.
 You may have been hanging onto these memories for decades so it won’t all get better in a heartbeat, as we grow we become evolved versions of ourselves. We never did do anything to ‘deserve the wrongs of the past… but they have forged our evolution…and we learn to accept that.

12 Tips for regaining Confidence after a rape

 

Confidence, standing together, facing fears

 

1. Be kind to yourself, love yourself and know you are OK, you are not alone. You may think there is something wrong with you, that you caused it. The good news is – you are not the problem, you just haven’t been equipped with the tools required to be confident. They are skills not taught in traditional education, however they can be learned.
2. Take life one day by day, avoid looking to far ahead for the moment. Deal with each day as it comes and take the time to count your blessings. When you stay in the moment you find you enjoy all the little things that makes you smile.
3. Reach out and get the help you need. It may be professional, it may be from a support group of others who been through a similar experience, they understand and it gives you somewhere safe to express your concerns. Yes, do reach out to avoid isolating.
4. Cultivate the art of gratitude and forgiveness. The sense of peace you achieve sets you free. It does not condone the act, you are doing this for you, yes you, to set you free. I came to this point before I wrote and self published my story ‘Beyond Abuse’, it was one powerful and transformational journey.
5. Do mindset work everyday that may include reading, listening to podcasts, YouTube, use whatever medium appeals to you and that will change over time as you continue to grow. One of my favourite sayings is ‘remember to dress your mind just as you dress your body every day’.
6. Follow daily rituals that could include EFT (tapping), 5min Confidence Exercise, meditating, visualisations, mirror work. Mirror work is a powerful tool for building your self love, self belief and your self confidence. I love the words ‘mirror, mirror on the wall… it does not matter if I am short or tall…if I have skinny legs or my hips are wide…it only matters who I am inside…blue eyes, brown eyes, black or green… what makes me most beautiful cannot be seen… when you look at me don’t judge me by my parts…the most beautiful thing about me is my heart.’

 

self care, sel;f rspect, self worth, daily rituals

 

 7. Journalling is a powerful tool for ‘getting stuff’ out of your head, in fact it allows you to see how far you have come and journalling into the future is a wonderful form of visualisation. You write ‘as if’ you already had it, you can see, taste, smell, hear your self achieving what you want. When you journal daily it constantly reprograms your mind for what you want to bring into your life. It is from that place that you attract and receive.
8. Self care, nurturing and loving your body. It could be eating healthy food, getting fresh air and regular exercise, a massage, a bubble bath or listening to healing music.
9. Embrace change and challenges. We can either choose and direct change or have it thrust upon us. Living in a place of no-confidence and resisting change leaves you repeating the same mistakes, in victim mentality and not acting to improve your life because you think positive change is impossible.

Open to change, self confidence, self worth, looking after you

 

10. Be playful and have fun. Some therapists suggest that you indulge in a pleasurable activity for 30 min daily. This was of immense help to me during my journey as I used to drive myself to the point of exhaustion and thought I did not deserve to have fun.
11. Mix with happy confident people, confidence is contagious, it loves company. Avoid confidence zappers, you know the ones who suck the life and energy out of you, leaving you feeling drained and exhausted.
12. Whatever you choose don’t let it stop you living your life. the rapist may have taken one night of your life, don’t allow them to take over your life.
Cultivating and polishing your Confidence will help you to be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help and brave enough to ask for it.
 If my thoughts have whetted your appetite, my updated book will be out this year and is being published by Lucky Pineapple Books.

 

At last, looking after you

The excerpt is beautiful and gives a great perspective.
“Inner Beauty: A Book of Virtues” on a symbol of the lotus flower. It reads: The main thing about a lotus flower is that it has its root in the mud. It cannot grow without the mud, and yet its petals are pristine… the lotus flower doesn’t turn mud into anything. Mud is mud. Yet mud also has nutrients needed to aid the flower’s growth. It is the same for us. We are in a situation that we don’t like – “in the mud”. And yet it is probably the most secure position there is if we could only recognise it, not distort it, and let it “grow us’.
Website www.diriddell.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/confidencebeyond50
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/dimr47/
Twitter https://twitter.com/diconfident
Instagram: www.instagram.com/dimr47
Di Riddell
E di@diriddell.com
M 0409 638 248
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