Transforming ANTS into PETS


Now this is not first thought when I find ants, pets indeed! What next?  And as a child ant study was not one of my pastimes.
This morning I was having a delightful discussion with Michael a retired pastor and we were talking about our reactions to people and situations as a result of an ‘incident’.
This story I am sharing with his permission is about his Mum, she was open, friendly, would talk to anyone and everyone, and she had a big warm smile for all. She found starting conversations, drawing people out and making them feel comfortable easy. Another who found approaching people and starting conversations difficult asked her ‘how she did it’. ‘’ That’s easy, I know they love me’ she replied.
It begs the question what if they don’t…her answer was ‘they must be having a bad day’. Then the biggie what if they showed over and over they don’t like you… she said ‘then they don’t know me’.  She had a total, complete belief in who she was and what she had to offer. Her unerring belief system was that people loved her. What a gem of a woman.
That bought us to the title ‘making ants into pets’ –
ANTS being ‘automatic negative thought structures’

negative thoughts, put downs lack confidece lack self esteem


and PETS being ‘performing enhancing thought structures’.


support, love, performancing enhancements



Are you one of those people who find going up and speaking to someone about as appealing as going to the dentist? Would you rather stay home or sit in the corner and wait and wait for someone to come to you? Now you could be saying I am an introvert, that is me. And that might be right.
If this is you could it be that your automatic negative thought structure like ‘I don’t want to be here’or ‘can I go home now’ are holding you back.
Remember thoughts, your thoughts are not set in stone. You can change them. Yes you will likely feel vulnerable.

lack confidence, anxious, alone, fearful


When you first step out of your comfort zone you might even feel like this little ant. Those ‘automatic negative thought structures’ have got control.


fearful, stressed, wantout, lack confidence, lack self esteem


Holding onto those negative thoughts and emotions drains your energy. Have you ever thought how much energy it takes to build up a negative case in your mind? That negative energy is projected out and warns people off.
Energy from past experiences like ‘I hate going to parties, no one talks to me’ re-inforces your emotional attachment to your current circumstance.
What would it take to use that same energy and transform it into a smile, a kind word or offering a helping hand. I have found when you have a go people respond. It does not happen immediately, it takes time and practice. If those beliefs have been there for decades they don’t disappear in a heartbeat.
When you can transform that energy you can create a new and different outcome – you Can experience a state of gratitude and joy. You may even be happy and inspired just because of who you are.
Life’s experiences, what you read and what people say can have long standing effects. And now when you see someone holding back, reacting in a way that is les than supportive, reach out, that person may be feeling lost, inadequate, not know what to say so they blurt out the first thing that comes into their mind. My guess is they are ‘ants’ wanting even trying to be ‘pets’. Love them anyway… you reach out to them.


happy, confident, loving, kindness, compassion


How do I know? I have been there, in fact I have been there this week. It was a lesson in self awareness about my reactions– the wisdom from Michael and my reflections have created an opportunity for me to rise above my current limitations and be greater than my conditioning and circumstances.  This is my opportunity to turn my ants into pets.

helping, loving, confident, olive branch


This post may speak to you, it may be your current experience. If so reach out, call a friend, call, email me on or contact me on FB through Confidence Beyond 50

Acknowledging that the ‘ant and pet’ exercise came from ‘It’s Your Life What Are You Going To Do With It’ by Anthony Grant and Jane Greene




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Could it be called Future Wisdom?


I Remember Being Told That….

  • Don’t touch a hot stove – well before I could reach the stove top

  • How to keep a job… years before I applied for one

  • Advice on marriage… years before I started dating

  • The value of loving yourself …years before I understood what it meant

  • That confidence was a gift…. years before I had any

 Wisdom, confidence, advice, learning,

The list goes on and you can probably add your own particular ‘for instances’. As you reflect many of those things will make you smile, you may remember the good advice you were given, then ignored and paid the price later.

 I could not use that advice when I was a child or even some of it as I grew up certainly on confidence. However, I listened.  When the day came I knew not to touch hot stoves, and when I got my first job, got married and started loving myself I had a storehouse of good advice to draw upon.

 Yes, I had my very own library of advice to pull out as I faced life and sit’ highs and lows. It formed the basis on which I could decide to use as is, add to or delete. In fact, it formed my internal compass.

When someone gives you advice, avoid the urge to turn out because you don’t need it now. Keep it in reserve in your personal ‘library of advice’. Who knows it might be just what you need in the future… your future wisdom.

Remember the ‘shelf life of good advice is forever’.  

  1. I will leave you with two questions about your future wisdom…

    1. Has someone given you outstanding advice that you have tucked away for future use? if so what is it?

    2. Why do you think it is a good idea to store good advice before you need it?

To learn a little more about me I invite you to check out…







Youtube Di Riddell Confidence Beyond 50

Di Riddell Linkedin

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No one NEEDS Toastmasters


I am so often asked about Toastmasters, why I joined, why I stayed…especially now it is 40 years own the track. This is a great time for me to reflect on my personal journey, a time to remember how scary it was to walk in that room, how scary it was to stand and introduce myself and how scary it was to admit my confidence was at an all-time low which was affecting how I communicated and lived. 

Last weekend I received my 40-year pin


Recognition, communication, leadership



This is a wonderful article saying no one needs it… or says ‘I must find Toastmasters’.


hearing, listening, Toastmasters, communication

What I am hearing is….

  •  Oh I don’t like giving presentations.
  • I don’t need to give presentations.
  • I am speaking at a wedding next week. Can you help me?
  • I am running for provincial/state/federal office in the next election. Can you help me?
  • I have to give a presentation at work next week. Can you help me?
  • I am already comfortable speaking in public. I don’t need Toastmasters [or any other training].

Speaking, evaluation, communication, connecting



  • To provide valuable information to niches and build connections worldwide
  • Personal growth
  • Creating incredible lasting friendships



Some people could benefit from the training experience provided by Toastmasters.  Here are some ideas that might help you target specific segments with specific interests:

  • job seekers – job interview skills
  • employees aspiring to higher management/leadership – to practice running meetings, leadership roles and speaking
  • anyone aspiring to become an elected politician
  • team leaders – to develop or hone meeting and speaking skills
  • entrepreneurs – to present their product or service
  • sales and selling – duh!
  • inmates – to build positive life skills
  • people in rehab/recovery – to build positive life skills
  • English as a second language (ESL) students (or the languages of your Club)
  • authors – to present their material and market their book(s)
  • high school students – to become comfortable with public speaking and running meeting, through the Youth Leadership Program before the skills are required
  • post-secondary students – to prepare for the job market or to present their thesis BEFORE the skills are required
  • contest judges for other organizations
  • marketing and communications professionals (who actually know what MARCOM means)
  • speechwriters – nothing like first-hand experience to know what works and what doesn’t work
  • corporate communications professionals – to practice and hone their craft
  • video and media students – great place to practice creating how-to videos, articles, press releases, and reports
  • people who generally struggle with interpersonal skills
  • people with dating challenges

better listening, thinking, speaking, connecting


The following people might already be comfortable with public speaking, but could benefit from experimenting and practicing in a place where the results don’t matter:

  • professional speakers, comedians, actors – new material
  • public speaking trainers, presentation coaches – to practice methods and material; to develop clients; referrals
  • storytellers
  • poets who read their own work
  • middle and executive managers – elevator speeches; speaking with credibility; networking
  • sales managers
  • college instructors and university professors


The following people and organizations might benefit from knowing about the Toastmasters training program even if they do not personally attend. They would refer the program to others:

  • human resources/training coordinators – to understand and refer employees to the program
  • job seeker services – to refer job seekers
  • sales managers – to refer their salespeople
  • high school teachers, university professors, and college instructors – to refer students


Confidence, communication, reaching out, support

No one needs Toastmasters! Instead of selling it – Connect people with the idea of resolving their [specific] pain or receiving a [specific] pleasure/benefit/success. Many people need the benefit of the Toastmasters training program, primarily to develop communication and leadership skills in an environment where the results do not matter… BEFORE those skills are required.


The link to Coach Craig and the full article


If you see yourself in parts of this article maybe you are ready to reach out. My journey has taken me beyond membership to using my skills in my community, making my difference. I have taken my skills and created my programs, presentations and videos using those skills.

Action, doing it, confidence, stepping out

If that speaks to you, and you would like your overwhelm taken away, so you can shine and tell the world your message in your way let’s chat. If your skills need updating let’s go to it! 

If a 4 week program to cover ‘presenting the best of you’ would suit your needs email me at or call 0409 638 248. 

#confidencebydesign #toastmasters #presentingthebestofyou



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Have You Asked Someone Today… R U OK?



Ladies there times in life when life gets overwhelming, times when life seems to throw everything at you, times when you wonder will you through it. It might seem you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.


lonely, isolated, challenged, no confidence, no self esteem


This is the time that you look after you with love and respect. If a friend was telling you a litany of things going wrong would you be harsh with them? No you wouldn’t would you? Now is the time to cut yourself a little slack – be kind to you. It is Ok to put some of those balls you are juggling down.

Today, September 14th, is R U OK Day, a day to ask, listen and encourage. Your call, concern and kind word could make all the difference. have you called someone today? if not its not too late, pick up that phone.


busy, exhausted, overwhelmed


When challenges seem to be multiplying, when overwhelm and fear take over it leads to what I call ‘mushy brain. It is when coherent thought and action seem a million years away. From there it is so easy to spiral down to not coping, feeling anxious, isolating yourself, feeling depressed and you even contemplate darker actions.

It is important to realise you are not alone. There are people in the world who will listen to you. When you are in that ‘mushy’ state you tend not to see the people who are there for you and want to help. Seek out the people in your life who will listen with kindness and without judgement.


kindness, OK, listen, encourage


Tips you may find helpful are:

  • Call a friend or someone who can help you and talk to them, just venting your feelings can make you feel better.
  • If that is you right now, take a moment to stop and breathe.
  • If you don’t have anyone around you there are other steps for when you feel isolated, hopeless and alone’
  • Examples are Lifeline 13 11 14 and Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36
  • Journaling, writing down what is happening for you and what is causing your overwhelm. It can help you make sense of what is happening.
  • Go for a walk, get put in the fresh air for 20mind admire nature, you will feel better.


tips, hints, help , OK , reach out, overwhelm, alone, lonely


These tips will allow you to be open to a change in perspective and remember each day has only 24 hours. Tomorrow you have a new day and a new chance.

In reaching out as a confidence mentor, that is someone who is there to call, listen and encourage, just saying ‘ I am there for YOU’. Reach out and call for an  a 20min obligation free session. Di xx



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Reflections and Insights on Three Things Louise Hay Taught Me


Today as I reflect on Louise Hay and my personal journey, I am very grateful for this woman who positively impacted the lives of many people. I bless you Louise for your powerful presence and contribution. In fact I popped over to my bookcase to see what I had there, the 3 titles that jumped out were:

‘The Present Moment – 365 Daily Affirmations

• ‘Heart Thoughts’ – a treasury of inner wisdom

• ‘You Can Heal Your Life’

 What’s on your bookshelf?

For anyone who little about her..this link gives a great precis of her life

When I was in a dark place, her gentle words, her ability to reach out through the pages and share her inner wisdom allowed me to jump start my healing process.

 3 things Louise taught me


 1. The value of loving myself

2. Mirror work –

3. Insights into the connection between disease and ourselves.




‘I love and accept myself right now’  what a wonderful affirmation. Many of us feel we can’t love ourselves until we are healthier, in or out of a relationship, get more money, have a better job, have a holiday or some other out there thing.

When you do that you are putting off loving yourself, it is not serving your higher good, you are saying that you are not important or don’t deserve to be loved.

The time to love yourself is right now, in this present moment giving it all you have got.

When you have your love tank is filled then it can flow out and benefit your world. If you are running on empty, you have nothing to give.

love, erspect, value, confidence



This is a process that many resist, the very thought of looking into a mirror and saying ‘I love you’ makes you squirm. The greater the resistance the greater the need. It is a powerful exercise, I invite you to try.

• Stand in front of the mirror and close your eyes

• Think about someone who loves you and imagine viewing yourself through their eyes.

• When ready open your eyes and look into the mirror. Allow yourself to really see

yourself through the eyes of someone who totally loves you.

Give yourself time to absorb the process

mirror, self love, self worth, self belief



Louise invited you to see if you could find the correlation between diseases you may have had or are having now and probable causes. her suggestion was to:

1. look up the mental cause and see if that could be true for you. sit quietly and ask yourself ‘what could be the thoughts in me that created this?’

2. Repeat to yourself ‘I am willing to release the pattern in my consciousness that created this condition’

3. Repeat the new thought pattern to yourself several times

4. Assume you are already in the process of healing


Confidence, seeing with new lens, self esteem


As I look back over the last 15 year journey, I acknowledge the journey I have travelled. Sometimes it was bumpy, sometimes I stopped and stalled, sometimes I cried buckets of tears. This lady’s gentle approach enabled me to move forward. In fact it has been looking forward, looking back…


wisdom, reflection, insights


My life was definitely out of whack and my journey interesting, challenging and ongoing.  Is your life out of whack right now?

When life gets out of whack sometimes it just takes a quick swish of reflection and you are right, other times it can seem a long and unattainable road back to living and feeling in control of your life.

Would you like the magic of coming together with other like minded women? Would you like to see yourself getting randomly excited, having a living experience? Would you like to boost your confidence and raise your enthusiasm?

If so join me for the 21 day Butterfly Net Challenge where with your imaginary butterfly net you capture happy moments, swish up a thought to capture that moment before any dark disturbing thoughts start and take back control of your life?

For everything to change, you have to change. We all know doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result is self destructive.

I would love you to join and engage with me, to get immersed in your butterfly net and by using a few simple tools diligently for 21 days you can make amazing changes in your thoughts, mindset and confidence.

If this resonates with you , you can reach out to me at…… or on 0409 638 248



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Reconnecting with an old friend, I didn’t realise she was my best friend


She was somebody I had known for a long time, we chatted often and I was grateful for her advice. She was wise and gentle, she directed me with thoughts and ideas. Sometimes I listened, sometimes I didn’t. When I didn’t, I know now that it would have served me better if I had. I was driven, racing, running, being busy, busy, busy. Life happened nursing, marriage, step kids, my kid, work, play, community, widowhood, starting over… you know how it is and you can probably add a few of your own.

Confidence, sharing, support


She would pop in occasionally and we would chat, tough times happened, I pushed her away and we lost touch. That happens in life, we lose touch with dear and faithful friends… I lost touch with this one.

ignored,  turned away, forgot, lost confidence


I am happy to say after her nudging me several times gently then not so gently, we have re-connected. I finally stopped that run, push and relentless drive. I remembered, I have stopped to call and really chat with her, open up, show her the real me in the now. She has just the best advice, I will never lose her again. I will stay in touch and in tune… my best friend is Marie, my inner knowing.

Who is Marie? She is my inner knowing, I buried her so deep, denied her existence and I turned my back on her. In the process of starting over, I started to write and speak about my life changing challenges. I was emotionally overwrought, fearful, in fact my thoughts and life were out of control. Marie is my middle name, hidden away, ignored and never used, I did not realise that she is also my inner knowing.

hiding, shame, lack self esteem, anxious


The origin of Marie is derived from the Hebrew Miryam and it has a debated meaning. Many believe it to mean a ‘sea of bitterness’ or ‘sea of sorrow’, others see it as a ‘wished for child’. The light and the dark…it was my choice. I chose the sea of sorrow and slipped into the darkest part of my soul.

When women experience trauma or severe life stressors it is not uncommon for our lives to unravel. We lose ourselves a little over the years and get caught up in a lot of external stuff and in doing so we can lose our friends as well… and I lost this one…

I am happy to say that I won’t lose her again, I will stay in tune and in touch. You see I now recognise her as a ‘much wished for child’, my much loved precious soul, my inner knowing. I have finally stopped long enough to call and re-connect and she has just the best advice and I am listening.

The way to find her again and be sure it is her advice and that is comes form a place of pure love and NOT the whisper or roar of fear and overwhelm is to be open and develop a clear and unshakeable love and belief in yourself.

self belief, self esteem,self confidence


Your inner knowing puts your interests first, it is about who you really are, your real, raw, authentic and beautiful self. When you act from the ‘sea of sorrow’ it is exhausting and overwhelming, it is a load you are dragging with you draining your energy, it always wants more.. Begone with it…flick it off and return to (you remember Elvis’ song, I popped in a link ( ).

Inner knowing understands that living with love also shows a quiet inner and strong confidence. That type of confidence is a gift that goes on giving, it is your gift to the world showing your compassion, understanding and love. Be true to your values, true to keeping your cup overflowing then you can be free, open and available to give it to others. Your gift will be your vibrancy, engagement and connection.

clear4 message, confidence, being you


It is in times of reflection and connection that magic happens.

If you are challenged by a lack of connection in your life the 21 Day Butterfly Net Challenge is a beauty.  I invite you to reach out and connect with me at di@ or through Facebook on Confidence Beyond 50



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5 Tips For Writing and Speaking Authentically



Confidence, authentic, self belief, wirting, speaking


1. Speak and write in your own voice

When I started to write and deliver speeches 40 years ago, I worried that what I had to say was not important, that no one would interested and set about copying the style of what I thought people wanted to hear. The result of that was my writing and speaking was stilted and unnatural, it did not sound like me – because it wasn’t.

Over time I grew confident and created my style and wrote and spoke just like me. What happened was that my authentic self was revealed. The words flowed because they came from my heart, with my intent, and they were delivered in my style.


 TIP – Create, develop and present in your style and you will blossom and shine. How awesome letting the real you out?



2. Whose voice was that, that you did not want to hear?

You know that voice that whispers or sometimes shouts in your ear? It niggles away creating chaos as you try to write or speak. It nags at you until it gets your attention, until you recognise it. Then once you understand you know you can take control and change it.

It maybe your mum or dad, your siblings or your 2nd grade school teacher that you hear telling you all your faults. Things like ‘you can’t do that’, ‘who do you think you are?’ ‘You tried that before and failed’. This monkey chatter does not serve you, it is not loving to you and it will shut down your creativity in a heartbeat.


TIP – When that happens stop and ask yourself – whose voice is that? Is what they are saying relevant today? (it may have been relevant when you were a child, bit it is different now you are an adult. When you recognise this you can say to yourself ‘that is old stuff, I know better now so I can do better- then dismiss it. How wonderful is that?


3. Celebrate your uniqueness

We are what we are, we all have unique experiences, lives and respond differently to our lives experiences. When you share from your heart that uniqueness shines through and that is what attracts people to you.

Use that uniqueness as your point of difference, first recognise and acknowledge then play and work with it. If you can’t see it ask a few friends. That worked for me when I joined a group some years ago and we were asked to write in 300 words why we should get the program for free and what 3 words made us unique. When I asked around my three came back as resilience, inspirational and courageous, words I would not have associated with myself at that time. Others often see qualities in us before we see them ourselves.


TIP Find and cultivate your uniqueness and quirkiness and delight the world with your words and speech…you will be amazed at what happens.


 4. Create stories of your life experiences

It makes you real, relatable and authentic. People will often respond with ‘yes, me to’ or ‘I did that’. Everyone loves stories, start a library of your stories, give them a quirky name and let your creativity flow. Give your story a moral or leave your audience with a message. I have story of confidence versus arrogance and it is a story from my nursing days of how my confidence tipped from confidence to arrogance. It is light hearted, it has a message and it makes people laugh.


 TIP Start your library of stories now and collect as you go. include the goofy things you do, the fabulous things you do and anything in between.


 5. Develop a library of your words and phrases

This is a recent activity for me and came from attending a recent workshop. take note of the words you write and say, that words that make you, you.

Go back and read what you have written, if you have videos listen and pick out the phrases you use. If you ruin dry ask friends or family what phrases you use regularly.

Then after writing go back and see if you have sprinkled your special words. It is not about flooding a blog post with 3 words, it is about using your words to best effect.

 TIP Start that list, add to it, play with it and enjoy it. We learn in moments of enjoyment.


If this post speaks to you and you are holding back or struggling, I can guide and support you. If this is you, I encourage you to reach out, to develop and deliver your style. My offer is 3 sessions tailored just for you. Do it just for you, your confidence will grow and remember, the world needs to hear your message.


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5 Proven Things To Be More Energised



Love, energy, confidence, self worth self esteem


Some days I wake up simply wanting more energy and wonder where mine had gone. They are usually the days I have not followed my own advice.

Has that happened to you? Are you cringing and thinking ‘Yep, she is speaking to me’.

And…did you know that there are energy stealers out there? Sometimes we even steal own energy by dragging past stuff with us. Would it be a relief to put it down? I found when I did I felt lighter, had more energy and I got more done.

This is not about burying your head in the sand and pretending all is well.

What I am suggesting is that it is within your control to change what is no longer serving you.

‘You will have more energy when you am not dragging the past with you into every thought and situation’, says Joe Dispenza, author of ‘Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself’.

As an energy boost and self- starter I invite you to try 5 tips.






writing, journaling gratitude confidence self belief

Daily rituals that work for me include:
1. A 5min Confidence Boost Exercise
2. EFT (tapping)
3.Visualisations (it is a plus when you record them in your own voice)

4. Writing a Divine Letter ( a very effective tool that a friend of mine uses).
5. When you have your physical shower take a mental shower also and wash away those thoughts that no longer serve you.

Journaling is a wide subject and I use different ways at different times, my favourites include:

1. Brain dump, this exercise I started using after reading ‘The Artist’s Way’. When you wake sit up and write whatever is in your mind. That gets rid of the stuff, I find it releases negative energy as the words pour out onto the paper leaving me feeling lighter and brighter.

2, Visual journal, it can be a vision board, or what I call my ‘Success Folder’. Take time each day to spend a few minutes absorbing and integrating the images, words, colours and the energy.

3. Gratitude journal – This was a huge help when I was in a dark place. Before you go to bed each night write 3-5 things that you are grateful about. That was a challenge at first, I would grumpily mutter to myself ‘what have i got to be grateful about’. I persevered, some nights it was simply that I had a warm bed and a roof over my head. Then I found myself getting excited about what I might write that night.

4.Forward journaling, writing ‘as if’ was already in my life. When I write in this way I find it re-programs my mind for what I want to attract into my life and magic happens.




heartfelt, confidence, self esteem self belief


You know that monkey chatter that tells you all the things you can’t do or didn’t do or quit half way that whispers or shouts in your ear. These are your stories, stories probably formed years ago. Old stories keep you stuck, they may be from family, friends or workmates, that zaps your energy. It feels like they are sucking the life right out of you.

Worrying is a biggie, it just gives you deep lines, serves no purpose and attracts more of the ‘don’t wants’ into your life. Most of the things we worry about never happen. Some worry when there is nothing to worry about, my Mum bless her was a master at it.




clearing, clearing with confidence, help to declutter, lighter after declutter


Now I am a Cancerian, I keep things ‘just in case’. So just the idea sent shivers down my spine at first. In fact, I had a friend come over to help me when I did my first major de-clutter. We had 4 piles, one to keep, one to the bin, one to the op shop and one for the garage sale. We went through every item and I made a decision, no ‘let me think about it’s’ were allowed. I felt so free and light after it was done.

Decluttering your mind came later and it is covered above in negative self-talk. It was something I had simply not considered that dragging the past with you constantly is a huge energy drain.




joy, happiness, self care, happiness, confidence


That phrase has a lightness and brightness even before we start, they are happy words. When you do what you love, it energises you, it puts a smile on your face and a spring in your step.

What is that makes your heart sing? It may be singing, music, creating, writing, painting, blogging, dancing, sport or something else. When you find it, nurture it and include some ‘happy heart’ activity in your life every day.




self love, support, love, confidence,


I say radical because for many women deny themselves self-care, always putting the needs and wishes of others before themselves. If you are not in top form with your cup of live and love overflowing how can you help, support and love others? If you keep taking from the cup one day it will come up empty.

My first step into radical was forgiveness, not only to those who had harmed me, but forgiveness to myself. That opened my door to self-love and self-care.

Self- care to you may include spending time in nature, meditating, exercising. It may be reading, have a massage or a bubble bath or taking a nap. Women who do too much are often sleep deprived, don’t drink enough water, skip meals or eat on the run and push themselves to the limit. They feel guilty, undeserving or unworthy. Love yourself enough to take care of you

What do you do to energise yourself? I would love you to share with love and openness.

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3 Tips to Avoid Absorbing Negative Emotions


Emotions do affect communication between people.

We often absorb some of the emotions of the people we come in contact with and we may even experience a change in our own mood even if nothing has happened to us. You may even think what on earth happened that I suddenly feel drained of energy?

Why do you think you get scared when you watch a horror movie? You see the actors acting scared. It is because their emotions are communicated to you through their gestures and facial expressions.

Why do you think we like quietly confident people? Confident people transfer their positive emotions to us and make us feel relaxed, calm and safe. That’s why we like them.

On the other hand anxious or angry people unconsciously transfer some of their anxiety and anger to us and that makes us feel uneasy and uncomfortable around them.

Have you ever experienced being around someone ‘stressed’ and then you leave feeling stressed? It happens because emotions are being communicated to us whether we notice it or not.


When you are aware you can act on it and protect yourself or remove yourself.


3 Tips To Avoid Absorbing Negative Emotions

1. Avoid negative people if possible – because they will unconsciously transfer their emotions to you. If you are unable to avoid them go armed with an intention that you will not take on their negativity, surround yourself with a bubble of light that protects you and deflects their energy back to them.


Confidence anxious weighed-down lack confidence negative emotions



2. Observe your own emotions – so you don’t confuse them with the emotions you absorb from other people. If you are feeling down after being with a negative person ask yourself is this my stuff? If not great, move on. If it is then ask yourself how were you triggered by that person? And what is one thing you can do right now to feel brighter .


Emotions, negative self talk, lack confidence, communication


3, Act confidently – when you act confidently people will feel relaxed around you and that can have an effect on a negative person. You may even succeed in transferring some of your positive emotion to them.

Confidence, act confident, self esteem,


Capturing negative emotions before they become thought and action is part of the Butterfly Net Challenge. Next program running September, stay tuned.

I invite you to check out us out on Facebook or Pinterest

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A Top Tip To Boost Your Confidence On A Down Day?

TIP – Choose one thing, just one thing that makes your heart sing and do it.

Confidence, lack of confidence, self esteem, overwhelm


This is for the days when you feel the world is against you, you feel tired and weary, you wonder where your confidence has gone just when you need it. If that is you today, stop for a moment and remember that you are not alone and it will and does improve.

For today, choose one, thing, just ONE thing that makes your heart sing and do it…yes take real action. When I do that, it restores my sense of being, gives me a sense of peace and harmony and it boosts my confidence. My list has been created from things I love to do, things that bring me pleasure, things that give me a lift.

Today, I invite you to create yours.

confidence, happy, joy, self esteem, overwhelm


Everyone’s list will be different, it maybe music, going for a walk in the mountains or by the sea, lighting a candle, meditating, going for a walk in the garden, visiting an art gallery, indulging in your creative side – painting or craft work, having a bubble bath, having coffee with a friend who lifts your spirits or watch a show that makes you laugh. I urge you start NOW, grab a pen and paper and scribble away, you will find that your list grows very quickly.

My list evolved after working through the book ‘The Artist’s Way’ many years ago and every now and again I see, hear or experience something and add that to my list. It is a living, growing document. My aim is to hit 365, I am well into the 200’s now.

NOTE! It is important that you create your list when you are in a good space. On those days, you can think of many things that make you feel happy.

My reason for saying that is when you are in overwhelm or things are piling on top of you, it is difficult to think clearly. On those days, you might even want to stamp your feet, and think ‘why would I want to pick a stupid flower or listen to music’. Go on, I bet you have reacted like that when someone has tried to get you out of a funk at some stage. Are you smiling?

confidence, overwhelm, anxious, self esteem lack of confidence


Negative thoughts and actions take up an enormous amount of energy. It is like group activities, one negative thought takes hold and suddenly the mind draws on all your other negatives to support it and next thing you know your ‘pity party’ is in full swing. What a waste of your time and your beautiful energies! Wouldn’t you rather use your energy for something that you love, something to lift your mood and something that supports you?

What you will discover is that the very act of moving, of standing up and breathing more deeply gets your blood flowing. Add to that the beauty of going into nature, hearing the birds, seeing the flowers, feeling the sunlight on your back, it changes your state despite yourself. You get my meaning, it brings a smile to my face just thinking about it.

On down days, those horror days everyone experiences, your clarity is non- existent and you want to scream at the world. They are not the days to say…’Here I am in a funk what shall I do?’ However, if you can pick up your list, you have many choices at your fingertips. Choose one, just one and do it! It could be just the thing to spring you back to lightness.

Nobody escapes challenges in life and they often come when lest expected at the most inconvenient times. Remember, there can be joy and happiness even in the midst of drama. When you are able to grasp and appreciate those special moments even if they are fleeting it can make a huge difference to your state of mind.

Let’s be honest, life is not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes we struggle within ourselves, sometimes we lose our footing, sometimes we simply need to surrender and reach out for help.

When you reach out for help, you get to see your challenge through another set of ears, another set of eyes and share another’s heart space.

When we are re-inventing ourselves we may experience growth at lightning speed, it’s natural to feel the struggle. It’s normal to feel challenged. It’s common that past stuff that is unresolved will come up, and confidence can slip away in the moment.

And if we ALLOW the space rather than resist it we will find that it’s in these moments that we can shift and grow to our next version of our confident selves.

We have so much wisdom within us, knowing how to access that and bring it forward into your life is what I do as a Confidence coach/mentor. If you are overwhelmed in life right now, reach out, let me help you so you can move forward and life your life being your best.

There will be a new Challenge coming up soon, The Butterfly Net Challenge, it dovetails perfectly into this blog topic. Stay tuned for details.




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