3 Secrets to Forgiveness

Have you ever heard the phrase ‘forgive them’ then thought NEVER, NEVER EVER! Holding onto that unforgiveness can cause us physical and emotional issues years even decades later.
Do you think that person who did you wrong is sitting thinking about it? Not likely, they have moved to some other mischief, and you are left hurting you by holding on and refusing to let go.

 

Forgiveness, recieving, love, compassion, beyond abuse

As a young teen I was pack raped and a pregnancy and adoption followed. Tough stuff to deal with in the 1960’s. Deep down I held that unforgiveness covering it up with being super crazy busy in life. That did help me cope, it covered the pain so I did not have time to think about it.
Then it occurred to me the rapists took one night of my life, I let them take another 43 years. I am sure they were not sitting around 43 years later saying ‘remember that girl’. I was hurting me by holding on.
It took dealing with the grief after my husband passed away for me to make that choice. When I made the choice to say ‘enough’ I started my healing and forgiveness journey. To realise I was losing sleep and holding bitterness in my heart.
Was it easy? No, it wasn’t.
Did it happen in a heartbeat? No, it didn’t.
Did I give up? No, I didn’t.
It started by forgiving myself, that was radical action. Often the hardest part is to forgive ourselves.
Forgiveness is hard because when I stuffed up I wanted grace, but when someone hurt me I want judgment on them. Judgement is not my call, I have made my peace, they will follow their own path.
My 3 secrets to Forgiveness are

 

 

forgiveness, secrest, its for you, all about you, confidence, compassion, empathy love, self love

 

1. Forgiveness, it is for YOU so you can move on with your life and find peace. You are not condoning or saying it did not happen. You are talking care of you.
2. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling and you can begin the process before you feel you are ready.
3. Forgiveness is not a one- time action, it is an active, daily choice. You may need to do it over and over.
Be gentle with yourself, take the time to pray, write, use rituals I find tapping EFT very beneficial. Take your time, take small steps and again… be gentle with yourself.
 Di Riddell author of Beyond Abuse … a recovery guide for men and women in an era of me, and all of us, too.
https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B07D257YJJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_ep_dp_IPo-AbRV6NRX4
Di’s book is about helping men and women recover from mental and physical abuse of all kinds. Get your copy at Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D257YJJ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_ep_dp_m0G-AbKF47ZDK —.
Are you curious? The forward gives a sneak preview you will need to purchase to get the whole story!!
‘Eighteen months ago I interviewed Di Riddel for The Point TV.
I opened with the following statement … “At 69 she is the picture of health and vitality. A confident woman empowering other women. To the observer, her life has a picture book quality, yet, when you look behind the scenes, her childhood was one of sheer terror and emotional deprivation. For years she was subjected to repeated psychological abuse and lived in fear of her own and her mother’s life. At the age of 15 she was gang raped and fell pregnant and was forced to surrender the child. It’s hard to believe “happy ever after” is how this story could end. In the first edition of her book Beyond Abuse, Di Riddell speaks not just of survival…but thrival.”

 

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The Joyous Imperfection of Motherhood.

 

Oohh how I knew it all! how I thought I knew it all. What an amazing Mum I was going to be.

 Confidence, overconfident, too cocky, mothers day

 

Suddenly you realise that motherhood does not come with an instruction manual. When I ponder on this, I would probably have bypassed it anyway – like who… reads a manual?

 All those things my mother did (that I thought could be improved upon) …I was never going to do. All those things other people did to appease their children…I was not going to do them either. Because I knew better, I knew it all.

 Motherhood is not a straight line to success. It is like the image that shows a straight line for success then there is the one that wiggles all over the place. That is motherhood. It is the most exhilarating, exciting, loving, deep and fantastic thing that can happen to any women. It satisfies our deepest need that of reproduction, it creates a bond that is there for life, it creates the next dimension in the relationship with your beloved. Then add into the mix the frustrations, sleepless nights, agonies over am I doing the right thing, tearing your hair out and you have the perfect mix – the joyous imperfection of motherhood.

 To set the scene I am looking back over motherhood from the age of 70 so I have many experiences ranging from the miniscule to the monumental to reflect back over. I thought I would do it over the decades. There have been so many opportunities for self-growth through my years of motherhood.

 Reflecting on my Mum from when I was a child – she taught me was unconditional love and a love of reading – my fondest memories were of sitting before the wood stove in winter all curled up listening to her soft voice reading the same stories over and over. She also taught me about love, respect and listening. She never tired of hearing about what I was up to until she passed away aged 92.

 

 babyhood, no pics with mum, smiling, motherhood,

In my teens, I was a victim of pack rape. A pregnancy and adoption followed, they were my darkest days. It skewed my idea of motherhood for a number of years. The welfare workers of the day (this was the 1960’s) told me I was beyond redemption, a disgrace to myself and everyone else up to and including the Universe. ‘Go nursing’ they said, ‘no decent man will ever want you’. So I did, I did not think marriage or motherhood was ever going to be for me.

 Moving into my 20’s I met this wonderful man who thought the sun, moon and stars shone out of me and we married. I was 24 and he had 4 children aged 10-16. Being a stepmother was never in the plan and in the 70’s it made me an oddity in the community, blended families were a change from the norm… A year later we had a son together. Having 5 children blew every notion I had about motherhood out the window. I was so busy doing what had to be done all fancy thoughts, judgements and high and mighty ideas disappeared. Looking back now there were so many things I could have done better. A wise friend told me in later years that ‘I did the best with the skills I had at that time.’ Sure, I would do it differently today, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

 

Motherhood, happiness, unconditional love

Into my 30’s I became a mother -in -law and a grandmother. I was definitely not ready to be ‘Granny’ at 35. My 30’s and 40 saw me as a mediator, supporter, sometimes the enemy, organiser, fixer and confidante. The kids grew up, the grandchildren grew up and my role changed with every season.

 My thoughts today are that motherhood is not a right and children are not possessions, we do not own them. It is the greatest privilege that can be bestowed on a couple to become a Mum and a Dad. We are their caretakers, there to love, cherish and guide them into adulthood. To give your children the skills to fly alone, to support them through difficult years, be that shoulder to cry one, the best cheerleader in the world and to teach them to be independent is a huge responsibility.

 In my mid-fifties, I became a widow and the children came to my aid. It changed the relationships and they became the carer when I was again in a dark place. Today my grandchildren ranging in age from 6 to 36 and there are now great grandchildren. Families are not all about everlasting happiness, not about never having a challenge, not about agreeing all the time. Things happen, life happens. What is important is to always leave the door open and use your unconditional love in the way that best suits your situation.

 My wish now is to be a role model for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren so in time they will look back with love and fondness and cherish their memories of Grannie Di. For them to she had her ways, but it is Ok that she was ‘perfectly imperfect’.

 Parenting has changed and I am in awe of how young mothers cope today. Each generation has their own challenges and triumphs.

 Wherever you are in your years of your motherhood, know you are beautiful, watched over and you enjoy the privilege of experiencing the joyous imperfection of being a mother. I urge you lose yourself in your unconditional love and to forgive yourself for the times when it goes belly up. It truly is the most rewarding role you will have ever.

 Even when your Mum drives you crazy, remember she brought you into this world and made sacrifice’s you may never be aware of…love her anyway.

 Huge hugs and happy mothering.

Di Riddell

Confidence for Women 50+ after facing a life-changing challenge

Author of “Beyond Abuse’

WEB www.diriddell.com

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Dinner with a Difference

 

Let’s start with a question… Have you ever not done something for a while, then when you do it you remember how much pleasure it gave you?

 

confidence in cooking, creative dinners, cooking is fun

I did! It was hosting a dinner party. It’s so long since I did that. For some crazy reason I stopped entertaining after the death of my husband. At that time, it was ‘I did not feel I deserved to be happy when he was not here’. I let that thought influence me for years.

It seemed the right time, having recently moved onto a new home which I am loving setting up to be just me. That is another story.

How I enjoyed the planning, preparation and delivery along with the wonderful conversations and many laughs during the evening.

Gee, I even cleaned the silver cutlery set. It had not been used in years and it was not half as bad as I remembered. Would you believe that I threw out quite a bit of silver when I left Nambour as I didn’t want to clean it. Just as well the cutlery set was boxed.

 

cleaning silver, cutlery for dinner,

 

Now from the photo it might look like there is no action behind me, believe me there had been earlier and there was much more later. I was so engrossed in the evening I for got to take more photos and had not thought about a blog post then. However it was good to sit down with a wine when I was done preparing and we are waiting for our guests.

The best part was hosting new friends, lost of laughs and  great conversation flowed through the evening.

 

set for dinner, confidence in preparation, relaxing before guests

 

In years gone by we used to have dinner parties with 3 couples each providing a course – one for entree, one for main and one for desert. Whoever was creating the main course hosted and invited one other couple preferably someone the others did not know. So, it was always dinner for 8.

The process – on arrival the hosts provided the nibbles while the entrée team prepared. When done we moved to the table and indulged. The entrée team then cleaned up and came back to the table.

The hosts then left to complete the main course preparation. We got to indulge again… that team cleaned up and returned to the table.

The desert team then did the same with their course. When we first started these dinner events and doing desert I went off to buy a desert wine. Never having tasted one before and seeing the ‘small’ bottle, I purchased two just to be sure. OMG it was soooooooo sweet, ghastly in fact. One of the many lessons learned as we progressed.

At the end of the evening the hosts provided coffee and chocolate. Everyone then having had one fabulous evening, great company and different and interesting food left for home. The hosts had only the coffee cups and wine glasses to clean up. I thought that was wonderful having hosted dinner parties and been left with a mountain of cleaning up to do at the end of the night.

 

Why you ask?

• 8 people so there is always 6 at the table to enhance conversation

• With the extra couple you are meeting and socialising with someone new on a regular basis

• Because you are seeking different recipes fabulous food is ensured

• With each providing a course the host has as much interaction and enjoyment as the guests.

• It is a wonderful excuse to get dressed up and enjoy

• In appreciation of sitting round a table and chatting

It was dinner with a difference.

 

 What did we have?

An entrée of asparagus 2 mins in the microwave, with berries sautéed in butter and sprinkled with lime juice. Followed by Thai Chicken and Orange Curry served with rice and completed with frozen grapes with Cointreau drizzled over them and ice cream.

 

dinner menu, dinner with a difference

 

When you have a dinner party what do you like to cook? I would love you to share.

 

For further contact with me, you can find me at:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/confidencebeyond50

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Instagram: www.instagram.com/dimr47

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Youtube Di Riddell Confidence Beyond 50 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQZgMOxcCVuzcYB4wZNQ50Q

Linkedin https://au.linkedin.com/in/diriddell

 

 

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The Gift of Confidence After The Ravages Of Rape

Have you ever been sitting in a cafe and watched a confident woman walk towards you, she stands tall and straight, she walks at an easy flowing pace, she has a lovely smile on her face – she just looks confident and comfortable in her own skin. She owns the space around her. Have you then thought ‘I want some of what she has got’?
You would like to be that woman but right now you may be feeling –
• Flattened after a life changing event like a rape. You are overwhelmed, anxious, lost, you are seeking but not sure what. Your trust is at zero level.
• You don’t like your body, you feel ashamed, embarrassed or feel tainted
• You may be scared to reach out because you don’t want anyone to know you are not coping.
• You may be thinking I am alone. Everyone else seems to be coping why can’t I? How can they go about their ordinary day when my world has fallen apart?
• The ‘if only’s’ flood your mind and stop you from doing things, fear races through you.
• You deflect what is going so you don’t have to face a new future with just you.
• You just don’t want that stuff anymore, you are ready and willing to make a positive change but don’t know how.
We can do something about that.
 Let’s stop and ponder for a moment about the gift of confidence, it is a gift that goes on giving. It is a cornerstone of life that supports you in everything that you do. It is a living breathing energy that waxes and wanes, it is not still and stagnant. You don’t ‘get it’ once, hang it on the wall and have it forever. Confidence can be shaken or shattered by experiences and your life can change in a heartbeat. Rape is one of those experiences.

 

Confidence, self esteem self worth anxious, confidence,

 

 

When you gain or regain confidence after your body has been ravaged, damaged and discarded, it a gift. A gift that will make you strong, a gift that will make you aware and a gift that will support you as you move forwards.
 So, what is Confidence? It is that extraordinary energy in you that is attractive, strong, vibrant and engaging. You know it when you see it…and say ‘I want some of that’. In fact, it is the sweetener of life.

 

self confidence, self esteem, overcoming fears, mature women , confidence beyond 50

“We know that confidence and resiliency reign because we have survived to tell our tales of success and misfortune, trauma and abuse. Indeed, we are built to be able to go to the edge of life and come back with our heart and soul elevated.... We are built to be resilient, to be able to step up and over rocky terrain and gain confidence.”

Let me introduce you to my Confidence Tree – You may be going along in life smoothly, feeling very confident when suddenly life gives you a shake or a shudder. It feels like the bottom has fallen out of your world and you ask where is my confidence when I need it?

Actually, it is still in there, waiting to surface, it is temporarily buried.
Picture a bonsai tree with it sturdy branches slightly curved coming from a firm strong trunk. When you are confident you are sitting on top of that tree. When something happens, an event, you fall a few branches.
You feel you have hit bottom, the roots or worse gone underground.
When you have the strategies to access your inner confidence and bring it to work in your current situation then you know the secret of my confidence tree.

 

Self esteem self worth self respect

Starting from where you are now, you can climb back up that tree. What can cause you to fall? There is a myriad of reasons and rape is a biggie.
 Let’s be honest, life is not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes we struggle within ourselves, sometimes we lose our footing, sometimes we simply need to surrender and reach out for help.
 When you reach out for help, you get to see your challenge through another set of ears, another set of eyes and share another’s heart space.
 You may have been hanging onto these memories for decades so it won’t all get better in a heartbeat, as we grow we become evolved versions of ourselves. We never did do anything to ‘deserve the wrongs of the past… but they have forged our evolution…and we learn to accept that.

12 Tips for regaining Confidence after a rape

 

Confidence, standing together, facing fears

 

1. Be kind to yourself, love yourself and know you are OK, you are not alone. You may think there is something wrong with you, that you caused it. The good news is – you are not the problem, you just haven’t been equipped with the tools required to be confident. They are skills not taught in traditional education, however they can be learned.
2. Take life one day by day, avoid looking to far ahead for the moment. Deal with each day as it comes and take the time to count your blessings. When you stay in the moment you find you enjoy all the little things that makes you smile.
3. Reach out and get the help you need. It may be professional, it may be from a support group of others who been through a similar experience, they understand and it gives you somewhere safe to express your concerns. Yes, do reach out to avoid isolating.
4. Cultivate the art of gratitude and forgiveness. The sense of peace you achieve sets you free. It does not condone the act, you are doing this for you, yes you, to set you free. I came to this point before I wrote and self published my story ‘Beyond Abuse’, it was one powerful and transformational journey.
5. Do mindset work everyday that may include reading, listening to podcasts, YouTube, use whatever medium appeals to you and that will change over time as you continue to grow. One of my favourite sayings is ‘remember to dress your mind just as you dress your body every day’.
6. Follow daily rituals that could include EFT (tapping), 5min Confidence Exercise, meditating, visualisations, mirror work. Mirror work is a powerful tool for building your self love, self belief and your self confidence. I love the words ‘mirror, mirror on the wall… it does not matter if I am short or tall…if I have skinny legs or my hips are wide…it only matters who I am inside…blue eyes, brown eyes, black or green… what makes me most beautiful cannot be seen… when you look at me don’t judge me by my parts…the most beautiful thing about me is my heart.’

 

self care, sel;f rspect, self worth, daily rituals

 

 7. Journalling is a powerful tool for ‘getting stuff’ out of your head, in fact it allows you to see how far you have come and journalling into the future is a wonderful form of visualisation. You write ‘as if’ you already had it, you can see, taste, smell, hear your self achieving what you want. When you journal daily it constantly reprograms your mind for what you want to bring into your life. It is from that place that you attract and receive.
8. Self care, nurturing and loving your body. It could be eating healthy food, getting fresh air and regular exercise, a massage, a bubble bath or listening to healing music.
9. Embrace change and challenges. We can either choose and direct change or have it thrust upon us. Living in a place of no-confidence and resisting change leaves you repeating the same mistakes, in victim mentality and not acting to improve your life because you think positive change is impossible.

Open to change, self confidence, self worth, looking after you

 

10. Be playful and have fun. Some therapists suggest that you indulge in a pleasurable activity for 30 min daily. This was of immense help to me during my journey as I used to drive myself to the point of exhaustion and thought I did not deserve to have fun.
11. Mix with happy confident people, confidence is contagious, it loves company. Avoid confidence zappers, you know the ones who suck the life and energy out of you, leaving you feeling drained and exhausted.
12. Whatever you choose don’t let it stop you living your life. the rapist may have taken one night of your life, don’t allow them to take over your life.
Cultivating and polishing your Confidence will help you to be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help and brave enough to ask for it.
 If my thoughts have whetted your appetite, my updated book will be out this year and is being published by Lucky Pineapple Books.

 

At last, looking after you

The excerpt is beautiful and gives a great perspective.
“Inner Beauty: A Book of Virtues” on a symbol of the lotus flower. It reads: The main thing about a lotus flower is that it has its root in the mud. It cannot grow without the mud, and yet its petals are pristine… the lotus flower doesn’t turn mud into anything. Mud is mud. Yet mud also has nutrients needed to aid the flower’s growth. It is the same for us. We are in a situation that we don’t like – “in the mud”. And yet it is probably the most secure position there is if we could only recognise it, not distort it, and let it “grow us’.
Website www.diriddell.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/confidencebeyond50
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/dimr47/
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Di Riddell
E di@diriddell.com
M 0409 638 248
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Transforming ANTS into PETS

 

Now this is not first thought when I find ants, pets indeed! What next?  And as a child ant study was not one of my pastimes.
This morning I was having a delightful discussion with Michael a retired pastor and we were talking about our reactions to people and situations as a result of an ‘incident’.
This story I am sharing with his permission is about his Mum, she was open, friendly, would talk to anyone and everyone, and she had a big warm smile for all. She found starting conversations, drawing people out and making them feel comfortable easy. Another who found approaching people and starting conversations difficult asked her ‘how she did it’. ‘’ That’s easy, I know they love me’ she replied.
It begs the question what if they don’t…her answer was ‘they must be having a bad day’. Then the biggie what if they showed over and over they don’t like you… she said ‘then they don’t know me’.  She had a total, complete belief in who she was and what she had to offer. Her unerring belief system was that people loved her. What a gem of a woman.
That bought us to the title ‘making ants into pets’ –
ANTS being ‘automatic negative thought structures’

negative thoughts, put downs lack confidece lack self esteem

 

and PETS being ‘performing enhancing thought structures’.

 

support, love, performancing enhancements

 

 

Are you one of those people who find going up and speaking to someone about as appealing as going to the dentist? Would you rather stay home or sit in the corner and wait and wait for someone to come to you? Now you could be saying I am an introvert, that is me. And that might be right.
If this is you could it be that your automatic negative thought structure like ‘I don’t want to be here’or ‘can I go home now’ are holding you back.
Remember thoughts, your thoughts are not set in stone. You can change them. Yes you will likely feel vulnerable.

lack confidence, anxious, alone, fearful

 

When you first step out of your comfort zone you might even feel like this little ant. Those ‘automatic negative thought structures’ have got control.

 

fearful, stressed, wantout, lack confidence, lack self esteem

 

Holding onto those negative thoughts and emotions drains your energy. Have you ever thought how much energy it takes to build up a negative case in your mind? That negative energy is projected out and warns people off.
Energy from past experiences like ‘I hate going to parties, no one talks to me’ re-inforces your emotional attachment to your current circumstance.
What would it take to use that same energy and transform it into a smile, a kind word or offering a helping hand. I have found when you have a go people respond. It does not happen immediately, it takes time and practice. If those beliefs have been there for decades they don’t disappear in a heartbeat.
When you can transform that energy you can create a new and different outcome – you Can experience a state of gratitude and joy. You may even be happy and inspired just because of who you are.
Life’s experiences, what you read and what people say can have long standing effects. And now when you see someone holding back, reacting in a way that is les than supportive, reach out, that person may be feeling lost, inadequate, not know what to say so they blurt out the first thing that comes into their mind. My guess is they are ‘ants’ wanting even trying to be ‘pets’. Love them anyway… you reach out to them.

 

happy, confident, loving, kindness, compassion

 

How do I know? I have been there, in fact I have been there this week. It was a lesson in self awareness about my reactions– the wisdom from Michael and my reflections have created an opportunity for me to rise above my current limitations and be greater than my conditioning and circumstances.  This is my opportunity to turn my ants into pets.

helping, loving, confident, olive branch

 

This post may speak to you, it may be your current experience. If so reach out, call a friend, call, email me on di@diriddell.com or contact me on FB through Confidence Beyond 50

Acknowledging that the ‘ant and pet’ exercise came from ‘It’s Your Life What Are You Going To Do With It’ by Anthony Grant and Jane Greene

 

 

 

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Could it be called Future Wisdom?

 

I Remember Being Told That….

  • Don’t touch a hot stove – well before I could reach the stove top

  • How to keep a job… years before I applied for one

  • Advice on marriage… years before I started dating

  • The value of loving yourself …years before I understood what it meant

  • That confidence was a gift…. years before I had any

 Wisdom, confidence, advice, learning,

The list goes on and you can probably add your own particular ‘for instances’. As you reflect many of those things will make you smile, you may remember the good advice you were given, then ignored and paid the price later.

 I could not use that advice when I was a child or even some of it as I grew up certainly on confidence. However, I listened.  When the day came I knew not to touch hot stoves, and when I got my first job, got married and started loving myself I had a storehouse of good advice to draw upon.

 Yes, I had my very own library of advice to pull out as I faced life and sit’ highs and lows. It formed the basis on which I could decide to use as is, add to or delete. In fact, it formed my internal compass.

When someone gives you advice, avoid the urge to turn out because you don’t need it now. Keep it in reserve in your personal ‘library of advice’. Who knows it might be just what you need in the future… your future wisdom.

Remember the ‘shelf life of good advice is forever’.  

  1. I will leave you with two questions about your future wisdom…

    1. Has someone given you outstanding advice that you have tucked away for future use? if so what is it?

    2. Why do you think it is a good idea to store good advice before you need it?

To learn a little more about me I invite you to check out…

Website www.diriddell.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/confidencebeyond50

Pinterest:  http://www.pinterest.com/dimr47/

Twitter https://twitter.com/diconfident

Instagram: www.instagram.com/dimr47

Tumblr https://blogdilove.tumblr.com/

Youtube Di Riddell Confidence Beyond 50 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQZgMOxcCVuzcYB4wZNQ50Q

Di Riddell Linkedin https://au.linkedin.com/in/diriddell

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No one NEEDS Toastmasters

 

I am so often asked about Toastmasters, why I joined, why I stayed…especially now it is 40 years own the track. This is a great time for me to reflect on my personal journey, a time to remember how scary it was to walk in that room, how scary it was to stand and introduce myself and how scary it was to admit my confidence was at an all-time low which was affecting how I communicated and lived. 

Last weekend I received my 40-year pin

 

Recognition, communication, leadership

 

 

This is a wonderful article saying no one needs it… or says ‘I must find Toastmasters’.

 

hearing, listening, Toastmasters, communication

What I am hearing is….

  •  Oh I don’t like giving presentations.
  • I don’t need to give presentations.
  • I am speaking at a wedding next week. Can you help me?
  • I am running for provincial/state/federal office in the next election. Can you help me?
  • I have to give a presentation at work next week. Can you help me?
  • I am already comfortable speaking in public. I don’t need Toastmasters [or any other training].

Speaking, evaluation, communication, connecting

 

BENEFITS

  • To provide valuable information to niches and build connections worldwide
  • Personal growth
  • Creating incredible lasting friendships

 

NEED

Some people could benefit from the training experience provided by Toastmasters.  Here are some ideas that might help you target specific segments with specific interests:

  • job seekers – job interview skills
  • employees aspiring to higher management/leadership – to practice running meetings, leadership roles and speaking
  • anyone aspiring to become an elected politician
  • team leaders – to develop or hone meeting and speaking skills
  • entrepreneurs – to present their product or service
  • sales and selling – duh!
  • inmates – to build positive life skills
  • people in rehab/recovery – to build positive life skills
  • English as a second language (ESL) students (or the languages of your Club)
  • authors – to present their material and market their book(s)
  • high school students – to become comfortable with public speaking and running meeting, through the Youth Leadership Program before the skills are required
  • post-secondary students – to prepare for the job market or to present their thesis BEFORE the skills are required
  • contest judges for other organizations
  • marketing and communications professionals (who actually know what MARCOM means)
  • speechwriters – nothing like first-hand experience to know what works and what doesn’t work
  • corporate communications professionals – to practice and hone their craft
  • video and media students – great place to practice creating how-to videos, articles, press releases, and reports
  • people who generally struggle with interpersonal skills
  • people with dating challenges

better listening, thinking, speaking, connecting

REFINE

The following people might already be comfortable with public speaking, but could benefit from experimenting and practicing in a place where the results don’t matter:

  • professional speakers, comedians, actors – new material
  • public speaking trainers, presentation coaches – to practice methods and material; to develop clients; referrals
  • storytellers
  • poets who read their own work
  • middle and executive managers – elevator speeches; speaking with credibility; networking
  • sales managers
  • college instructors and university professors

REFERRAL

The following people and organizations might benefit from knowing about the Toastmasters training program even if they do not personally attend. They would refer the program to others:

  • human resources/training coordinators – to understand and refer employees to the program
  • job seeker services – to refer job seekers
  • sales managers – to refer their salespeople
  • high school teachers, university professors, and college instructors – to refer students

 

Confidence, communication, reaching out, support

No one needs Toastmasters! Instead of selling it – Connect people with the idea of resolving their [specific] pain or receiving a [specific] pleasure/benefit/success. Many people need the benefit of the Toastmasters training program, primarily to develop communication and leadership skills in an environment where the results do not matter… BEFORE those skills are required.

 

The link to Coach Craig and the full article

http://messagemasters.squarespace.com/articles/no-one-needs-toastmasters.html?fb_action_ids=10151194500471630&fb_action_types=og.likes

 

If you see yourself in parts of this article maybe you are ready to reach out. My journey has taken me beyond membership to using my skills in my community, making my difference. I have taken my skills and created my programs, presentations and videos using those skills.

Action, doing it, confidence, stepping out

If that speaks to you, and you would like your overwhelm taken away, so you can shine and tell the world your message in your way let’s chat. If your skills need updating let’s go to it! 

If a 4 week program to cover ‘presenting the best of you’ would suit your needs email me at di@diriddell.com or call 0409 638 248. 

#confidencebydesign #toastmasters #presentingthebestofyou

 

 

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Have You Asked Someone Today… R U OK?

 

 

Ladies there times in life when life gets overwhelming, times when life seems to throw everything at you, times when you wonder will you through it. It might seem you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.

 

lonely, isolated, challenged, no confidence, no self esteem

 

This is the time that you look after you with love and respect. If a friend was telling you a litany of things going wrong would you be harsh with them? No you wouldn’t would you? Now is the time to cut yourself a little slack – be kind to you. It is Ok to put some of those balls you are juggling down.

Today, September 14th, is R U OK Day, a day to ask, listen and encourage. Your call, concern and kind word could make all the difference. have you called someone today? if not its not too late, pick up that phone.

 

busy, exhausted, overwhelmed

 

When challenges seem to be multiplying, when overwhelm and fear take over it leads to what I call ‘mushy brain. It is when coherent thought and action seem a million years away. From there it is so easy to spiral down to not coping, feeling anxious, isolating yourself, feeling depressed and you even contemplate darker actions.

It is important to realise you are not alone. There are people in the world who will listen to you. When you are in that ‘mushy’ state you tend not to see the people who are there for you and want to help. Seek out the people in your life who will listen with kindness and without judgement.

 

kindness, OK, listen, encourage

 

Tips you may find helpful are:

  • Call a friend or someone who can help you and talk to them, just venting your feelings can make you feel better.
  • If that is you right now, take a moment to stop and breathe.
  • If you don’t have anyone around you there are other steps for when you feel isolated, hopeless and alone’
  • Examples are Lifeline 13 11 14 and Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36
  • Journaling, writing down what is happening for you and what is causing your overwhelm. It can help you make sense of what is happening.
  • Go for a walk, get put in the fresh air for 20mind admire nature, you will feel better.

 

tips, hints, help , OK , reach out, overwhelm, alone, lonely

 

These tips will allow you to be open to a change in perspective and remember each day has only 24 hours. Tomorrow you have a new day and a new chance.

In reaching out as a confidence mentor, that is someone who is there to call, listen and encourage, just saying ‘ I am there for YOU’. Reach out and call for an  a 20min obligation free session. Di xx

 

 

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Reflections and Insights on Three Things Louise Hay Taught Me

 

Today as I reflect on Louise Hay and my personal journey, I am very grateful for this woman who positively impacted the lives of many people. I bless you Louise for your powerful presence and contribution. In fact I popped over to my bookcase to see what I had there, the 3 titles that jumped out were:

‘The Present Moment – 365 Daily Affirmations

• ‘Heart Thoughts’ – a treasury of inner wisdom

• ‘You Can Heal Your Life’

 What’s on your bookshelf?

For anyone who little about her..this link gives a great precis of her life https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louise_Hay

When I was in a dark place, her gentle words, her ability to reach out through the pages and share her inner wisdom allowed me to jump start my healing process.

 3 things Louise taught me

 

 1. The value of loving myself

2. Mirror work –

3. Insights into the connection between disease and ourselves.

 

 

THE VALUE OF LOVING MYSELF

‘I love and accept myself right now’  what a wonderful affirmation. Many of us feel we can’t love ourselves until we are healthier, in or out of a relationship, get more money, have a better job, have a holiday or some other out there thing.

When you do that you are putting off loving yourself, it is not serving your higher good, you are saying that you are not important or don’t deserve to be loved.

The time to love yourself is right now, in this present moment giving it all you have got.

When you have your love tank is filled then it can flow out and benefit your world. If you are running on empty, you have nothing to give.

love, erspect, value, confidence

 

MIRROR WORK

This is a process that many resist, the very thought of looking into a mirror and saying ‘I love you’ makes you squirm. The greater the resistance the greater the need. It is a powerful exercise, I invite you to try.

• Stand in front of the mirror and close your eyes

• Think about someone who loves you and imagine viewing yourself through their eyes.

• When ready open your eyes and look into the mirror. Allow yourself to really see

yourself through the eyes of someone who totally loves you.

Give yourself time to absorb the process

mirror, self love, self worth, self belief

 

INSIGHTS INTO DISEASES

Louise invited you to see if you could find the correlation between diseases you may have had or are having now and probable causes. her suggestion was to:

1. look up the mental cause and see if that could be true for you. sit quietly and ask yourself ‘what could be the thoughts in me that created this?’

2. Repeat to yourself ‘I am willing to release the pattern in my consciousness that created this condition’

3. Repeat the new thought pattern to yourself several times

4. Assume you are already in the process of healing

 

Confidence, seeing with new lens, self esteem

 

As I look back over the last 15 year journey, I acknowledge the journey I have travelled. Sometimes it was bumpy, sometimes I stopped and stalled, sometimes I cried buckets of tears. This lady’s gentle approach enabled me to move forward. In fact it has been looking forward, looking back…

 

wisdom, reflection, insights

 

My life was definitely out of whack and my journey interesting, challenging and ongoing.  Is your life out of whack right now?

When life gets out of whack sometimes it just takes a quick swish of reflection and you are right, other times it can seem a long and unattainable road back to living and feeling in control of your life.

Would you like the magic of coming together with other like minded women? Would you like to see yourself getting randomly excited, having a living experience? Would you like to boost your confidence and raise your enthusiasm?

If so join me for the 21 day Butterfly Net Challenge where with your imaginary butterfly net you capture happy moments, swish up a thought to capture that moment before any dark disturbing thoughts start and take back control of your life?

For everything to change, you have to change. We all know doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result is self destructive.

I would love you to join and engage with me, to get immersed in your butterfly net and by using a few simple tools diligently for 21 days you can make amazing changes in your thoughts, mindset and confidence.

If this resonates with you , you can reach out to me at……di@diriddell.com or on 0409 638 248

 

 

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Reconnecting with an old friend, I didn’t realise she was my best friend

 

She was somebody I had known for a long time, we chatted often and I was grateful for her advice. She was wise and gentle, she directed me with thoughts and ideas. Sometimes I listened, sometimes I didn’t. When I didn’t, I know now that it would have served me better if I had. I was driven, racing, running, being busy, busy, busy. Life happened nursing, marriage, step kids, my kid, work, play, community, widowhood, starting over… you know how it is and you can probably add a few of your own.

Confidence, sharing, support

 

She would pop in occasionally and we would chat, tough times happened, I pushed her away and we lost touch. That happens in life, we lose touch with dear and faithful friends… I lost touch with this one.

ignored,  turned away, forgot, lost confidence

 

I am happy to say after her nudging me several times gently then not so gently, we have re-connected. I finally stopped that run, push and relentless drive. I remembered, I have stopped to call and really chat with her, open up, show her the real me in the now. She has just the best advice, I will never lose her again. I will stay in touch and in tune… my best friend is Marie, my inner knowing.

Who is Marie? She is my inner knowing, I buried her so deep, denied her existence and I turned my back on her. In the process of starting over, I started to write and speak about my life changing challenges. I was emotionally overwrought, fearful, in fact my thoughts and life were out of control. Marie is my middle name, hidden away, ignored and never used, I did not realise that she is also my inner knowing.

hiding, shame, lack self esteem, anxious

 

The origin of Marie is derived from the Hebrew Miryam and it has a debated meaning. Many believe it to mean a ‘sea of bitterness’ or ‘sea of sorrow’, others see it as a ‘wished for child’. The light and the dark…it was my choice. I chose the sea of sorrow and slipped into the darkest part of my soul.

When women experience trauma or severe life stressors it is not uncommon for our lives to unravel. We lose ourselves a little over the years and get caught up in a lot of external stuff and in doing so we can lose our friends as well… and I lost this one…

I am happy to say that I won’t lose her again, I will stay in tune and in touch. You see I now recognise her as a ‘much wished for child’, my much loved precious soul, my inner knowing. I have finally stopped long enough to call and re-connect and she has just the best advice and I am listening.

The way to find her again and be sure it is her advice and that is comes form a place of pure love and NOT the whisper or roar of fear and overwhelm is to be open and develop a clear and unshakeable love and belief in yourself.

self belief, self esteem,self confidence

 

Your inner knowing puts your interests first, it is about who you really are, your real, raw, authentic and beautiful self. When you act from the ‘sea of sorrow’ it is exhausting and overwhelming, it is a load you are dragging with you draining your energy, it always wants more.. Begone with it…flick it off and return to (you remember Elvis’ song, I popped in a link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PU5xxh5UX4U ).

Inner knowing understands that living with love also shows a quiet inner and strong confidence. That type of confidence is a gift that goes on giving, it is your gift to the world showing your compassion, understanding and love. Be true to your values, true to keeping your cup overflowing then you can be free, open and available to give it to others. Your gift will be your vibrancy, engagement and connection.

clear4 message, confidence, being you

 

It is in times of reflection and connection that magic happens.

If you are challenged by a lack of connection in your life the 21 Day Butterfly Net Challenge is a beauty.  I invite you to reach out and connect with me at di@ diriddell.com or through Facebook on Confidence Beyond 50

 

 

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