Category Di’s Words of Wisdom

Let It Go!

 

Hello beautiful readers…I am starting today with a couple of questions – just to get you thinking.

 

Have you ever hung on for dear life , come hell or high water you were mot going to let go?

Have you ever said ‘hell will freeze over before I let go’

Have you ever spent hours doing something on the computer and ‘bingo’…it’s gone? Then ranted and raved?

 

My guess is you will have answered yes to one to at least one of the questions.

 

Did you know that:

It takes enormous energy to hang in there, fighting every Universal force’

It takes enormous energy proving you were right’

It takes enormous energy being Superwoman’

It takes enormous energy doing a rant.

It makes your ‘self righteous little self’ shudder in shame’

 

 

Whatever has happened.. ask yourself:

  • ‘Will it matter in 5 years?’

  • Will the sun still come up tomorrow?

 

Yesterday I spent a couple of hours working on a  blog post and suddenly I realised it had disappeared. I could not get it back. in the past I would have gone into a flap, overwhelm, bagged myself for the duration and had a thoroughly miserable afternoon. Instead I simply went on wit other things.  In fact I could not even remember what I had written about.

My questions to  me were:

Does it really matter?

Will the sun still come up tomorrow? Yes it will.

 There are times when it is OK for your ducks not to be in a  row… other times you get them lined up and discover they are not your ducks!

 

letting go, confidence, self esteem, fears

 

Often when we are in that place it is fear speaking, trying to prove yourself to yourself or someone else. We hang in rather than let anyone know we could not do or achieve something.

The hiding does more damage than the hanging on. It either eats away at you very loudly right now, or you bury it and it eats away at you quietly. I would like to suggest that you simply let it go, open up, be transparent and laugh at yourself.

Transparency does not take away it adds another dimension. Take a moment to fully absorb the image.

sure of self, letting go, fears, confidnece

Letting go gives you a release, a lightness it adds to your peace of mind, the tenseness leaves your body, you get to relax and may even laugh.  There is beauty in letting go, embracing the gift of grace and allowing your authentic confidence to shine.

If you feel the fear of letting go is holding you back… I invite you to come and personally experience my coaching program. I would love the opportunity to help you ‘let go’ and step up so you can focus on the next best thing in your life.  if so contact me through the website  or email at di@diriddell.com

If you found this helpful then I would be grateful for you to share this with someone that you feel would appreciate them. Cheers Di

 

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Leftie’s Are Best… It Takes Confidence To Say that!

 

Yes I am a proud left hander, yes I have suffered and yes I have survived and prospered with my sense of humour intact in a right handed world.

Survive you say…would you believe over 2,500 left handed people are killed every year using equipment made for right- handed people.

There is no denying it left-hander’s are out there. However despite being 10% of the population society forgets us. We live in a right-handed world  it is right-handed utensils, cooking and cutting implements that are ALL for the right-handed…

 

confidence, fear, anxious, left handedness, lack confidnece

 

Check this TED-Ed presentation http://ed.ted.com/lessons/why-are-some-people-left-handed-daniel-m-abrams

There are however a few little known facts in our favour.

  1. We hear speeches differently – research shows people using their left hands when listening hear rapidly changing sounds and intonations.
  2. Left-handed Neanderthals were also in the minority. How did they know? The wear and tear on your teeth is different to right-handed folk. By locating the wear and tear on those prehistoric chompers it can be determined if they used their left or right hand.
  3. We are more inclined to shine in the creative arts.
  4. We vote for left -hander’s – a high percentage of recent US President’s were left-handed and it is thought a left-handed politician has an advantage in a televised debate. As a whole we associate the right-handed gestures as ‘good;’ and the left as ‘bad’. On TV it is displayed as a mirror image.
  5. Lefties have an advantage in sport that involve two opponents facing each other such as tennis and boxing.
  6. The sight of us using a cutting or carving knife drives right-handed people crazy…. they can’t wait to hop in and help out.
  7. Lefties tend to like a cold drink on a hot day
  8. The 13th of August is International left- hander’s Day. First launched in 1992 the UK-based Left-Hander’s Club to increase awareness about the left-handed lifestyle.
  9. Lefties are not going anywhere… will we fade away? Noooooooooooo we have been in the minority and being less common we have the surprise effect. Get used to us!

I have even become a member of the left hander’s club…

 

left handers, confidence and self esteem

 

And lastly Di’s reason… it is not good news for anyone sitting on my left at dinner… I tend to help them with their wine intake by picking up the glass on my left. … I am generous like that.  And this glass must be mine it has ice in it!

A touch of delicious wickednessDid you know we are all born left-handed? You turn right-handed when you make your first mistake.

OK I will be good now……and share a few of my left-handed life experiences that…well perhaps I could say they were ‘character building’ and ‘provided opportunities for self growth’.

I felt the breeze before the brunt of the metal edge of the wooden ruler hit,  it swished through the air before it came crashing down on my knuckles….as my  5-year-old eyes watered and my hand throbbed …I thought what was my crime? Picking up the pencil in my left hand. I did not even realise it was my left hand because I got confused between my left and right hands. It was simply the hand I used to colour in and draw.

As I sat there tears rolling down my cheeks I wondered why, why, why was it so wrong to pick up a pencil in ‘that’ hand. I had no confidence or self esteem in those days

Today I ask myself did that set the scene for my  unusual handwriting? I often hear the comment…’ It looks neat but I can’t read it.’

Then I saw this image … and what  a beauty! Written just for me I think.

 I don’t have bad hand writing…I have my own font.

hand writing, confidence, self esteem , left handedness

School experiences… Did this happen to you?  It happened to me and many others who started school in the 1950′s. The excitement of going to school waned quickly as my knuckles suffered on a daily basis.

This ‘training’ apparently was for ‘my own good’  Miss Lowe, the googly-eyed, enormous  frightening teacher. She would tower over me BELLOW. She delighted in pointing out my ‘crime’ to the rest of the class.

That pain extended beyond the classroom. Further torment came during the maypole dance. Each of us round a pole with a coloured streamer and the idea was steps to the left and steps to the right in sequence…I did not remember the sequence, nor which foot to put forward…gee I wonder why????

You can guess what I am going to say…left, left, right and there I would be with the wrong foot forward going in the wrong direction.  Again I felt the  breeze before the brunt of the metal edge of the wooden ruler  as it swished through the air before it came crashing down across the back of my legs.

Imagine doing that to a child today? I know we really can’t place today’s values on yesterdays actions…but that was a tough gig for a kid.

‘Straighten up your page Dianna’ would be the next bellow to fly across the room. Yes like many left handers…I turn the page at an angle to write. So can you imagine there I sat with the book straight, pencil in my right hand….how did I know which was right? By this time my stinging knuckles helped give me a clue.

To say it was pure hell….is an understatement. To say I did not care would be to tell a ‘porkie’ of massive proportions! Thank goodness it no longer standard practice…

Next time someone has a ‘point of view’ about your handwriting…you may like to borrow the phrase I don’t have bad hand writing…I have my own font. And just keep writing…

 

writing. left hand, confidence, self esteem, self belief

If you are a left- hander and of a certain age (how is that for delicate)…I would love to hear your experiences of learning to write and coping in a right-handed world.

Warm regards and I really do love my right-handed friends…Di…

 

You may like to check on me through other channels…

Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/confidencebeyond50

Pinterest:   http://www.pinterest.com/dimr47/

 

 

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Procrastination…I Am Doing It With Confidence Today

 

Have you ever had one of those day when there are many things that need to be done…and you find a gazillion excuses not to do it?

 

procrastination lack confidence lack energy

 

I read this definition of an excuse – it is ‘the skin of a reason stuffed with a ‘porkie” Well I freely admit today I have been busy ‘stuffing’ and I have told myself all kinds of ‘porkies’ in justification.

Yes you might have read all this before…think of it as a gentle reminder. We need to see things more than once before we take notice.

 

Confidence procrastination Seeing things more than once

 

The problem is we become so good at excuses… we may even start to believe them.

 

Confidenct about being not confident lack motivation

 

EXCUSE No 1 – I will do it later

Worst excuse ever that gives me a perfect excuse to make a cuppa and then to escape into a book and I did for a couple of hours.

EXCUSE No 2 –  I will just spend an hour on images.

And time laughed and laughed and laughed…I have spent about 5 hours playing in images today yet I have not done anything productive with them.

EXCUSE No 3 – It’s hot

Yes it is – we live in Queensland and I am used to it. I can’t even explain that.

EXCUSE No 4 – I am going away tomorrow its too late to start now.

I could have achieved a lot today had I had a plan. Tomorrow morning I know I will be running round like a hairy goat wishing I had been more productive today.

EXCUSE No 5 – I don’t have everything I need yet.

How many times do we say that we can’t start until all is perfect? We can actually start from where we are now and just imagine how much better you will be when you are finished.

I had my excuses lined up, all my ducks were in a row there.. And I lived up to them with every shred of confidence I possess. When in fact  procrastination zaps your energy and your confidence leaving you feeling  unmotivated and displeased with your day.

 

Let’s get positive as I share my tips…

 

Confidence over procrastination

 

How do I overcome this lethargy, procrastination and lack of oomph

  • Write a list of what needs to be done today and mark them off. Starting with the most difficult. I work best if my list is written the night before. if it is there when I come to the computer I simply start and achieve a lot.
  • I love to work with music in the background that sets the scene and I work away happily
  • Do one thing at a time and complete it. How easily we can flit from project to project. Develop your strategy for keeping you focused.
  • Put a time on an activity. I can play and create in images for hours and hours – like a child with colouring in. Try setting an alarm for an hour. I find it best if I use that a as a reward for myself.
  • Turn off social media and email alerts. Oohh how tempting it is to just pop over and see who that was. OOhhhh you say, how wonderful I will just read that and 20 mins later you are still there. .
  • When its hot stay well hydrated and take frequent short breaks.
  • Keep up the positive self talk – Noooo I don’t mean the ‘Its OK you don’t need to do it positive’.. I mean refrain from the ‘beating yourself up kind of positive’. Actively encouragement yourself.
  • Reward yourself when a job is complete and smile as you mark it off your list.

Finally gather your excuses, embrace them then set them free. Pick up your plan (it may be very different to mine) and go for it. There is nothing like action and positivity to drive procrastination out the door.

I would love to hear how you cope on your days of procrastination.

Cheers and happy overcoming procrastination… Di 

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Domestic Violence The Elephant In The Room

 

Are You Safe? Are You Immune? Are You Aware?

  • Domestic violence is that ‘silent thing’ that happens to other people –  right?
  • It is nothing to do with us – right?
  • Let’s pretend it didn’t happen – right?

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! It is the silent stalker (it is there watching and waiting) or it is the elephant in the room (we know it is there but no one is talking about it)?

 

domestic violence, confidnece, self esteem, anxiety

 

 

It is gratifying that the Australian of the Year for 2015 was awarded to Rosie Batty. This amazing woman rose above her personal tragedy and the great loss of her 11-year-old-son, Luke, who was murdered by his father on a cricket oval in February last year.

Rosie found her voice as a result of going through her experiences.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-01-25/rosie-batty-named-australian-of-the-year-2015/6045290

There are enormous amounts of $$$$$ spent on education. mass media and yet this is not an uncommon story. .. domestic violence is on the increase not decrease.

A few facts

 

 Fear, lack of confidence, domestic violence, anxiety scared

 

  • Prevention starts with awareness and taking action.
  • Domestic violence happens – on your doorstep, your neighbourhood, your community, your State and your Country.
  • It covers all socio economic groups – it is not limited to the lower income groups.
  • It is secrecy and fear that allow it to flourish. DV is all always about power.
  • One in three girls are sexually abused – 90% do not report the above.
  • Women killed by violence in Australia in 2014 – 81.

Why am I passionate on the topic – I am a survivor of domestic violence as was my Mum. In the 40′s and 50′s my Mum had no voice, she had no where to go and the law sent abused women home to their husbands. Mum had no voice.

For me in the 60′s, I chose silence as guilt, shame and fear overwhelmed me following a teenage pack rape. My voice was silenced. I buried it all and got on with life. Only to find it bubbled up later in life when I was going through huge stress.

Now it is 2015…. there are endless programs, support groups and educational material available. The law listens, women today have a voice. Why, why, why is it that this senseless behaviour perpetrated and thriving  throughout in our society?

There are endless scenarios of the ‘why’s’ and ‘where-fore’s’ of why it happens, why women stay, why women go. We are going round in circles and it is continuing.

Obviously the educational process is not working, the media campaigns are not working, those caught in the DV cycle are not hearing.

 What can we do?

 

Confidence, domestic violence

 

There is no simple answer… here are a  couple of suggestions for a starting point that anyone can take.

  •  Realise we need to see it over and over… more than once. See and hear what is happening…
  • Public awareness – - high profile awards help to bring the matter to our attention. Support organisations that support those affected by DV e.g. Bravehearts.
  • Speaking out where you can – think about where your voice could make the difference. Take some action, any action no matter how small. You have a voice.
  • Being there for someone affected by DV – listening and being there, talking, allowing them to talk, Maybe helping them create an exit plan. Support them as they get professional help.
  • Social media – no holes barred here. Pop it up and it is out there.. the good bad and the ugly. And news spreads like wild fire.

In life we all need to take personal responsibility for our thoughts, our actions and our lives. All the education and support in the world  won’t help without action by those affected.

We live in a wonderful country, we have so much to give and we have so much to live for.

I would love you all to be safe, be aware and be compassionate AND address that elephant in the room.

Confidence, standing together, facing fears

It is wonderful to hear your comments especially on a serious issue that affects so many in out society. What are your thoughts?

#domesticviolence #violenceagainstwomen

 

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5 Confidence Tips from My Lips

 

Don’t we all love tips and hints… something to add to our day, something to make us smile or that extra something that we can add to our ”amazing women’s life kit’. Yes you are already an amazing and multi-talented woman.

Often what we read is a reminder.. seeing it again re-enforces, reminds and re-programs us to move forward. It supports, grows and enhances our confidence. 

OK let’s go!

 

Confidence, tips, self esteem, confident women

 

 

1. HAVING A BAD DAY…THIS TOO SHALL PASS

 It is a fact of life that when something goes wrong then several things go wrong – next thing we find ourselves catapulting down the rabbit hole. yes we are likely drawing that very thing we say we don’t want by our thoughts words and actions.

Taking a different perspective, the good news is this too shall pass. This also stand true for fabulous days…this too shall pass.

                                                ACTION TIP - Try aiming for a balance.

 2. IT”S OK IF YOUR DUCKS ARE NOT ALL IN A ROW 

Have you ever organised what you thought was everything to the ‘enth degree’ , then found the ONE minuscule thing you didn’t consider happened?

The unexpected will pop up – the ‘thing’ and the timing and the unforeseen. That is life.. avoid slipping into the ‘I can’t do anything right’ mode.

 ACTION TIP. Stop, breathe, re-assess and move forward.

 3.  SOMETIMES WE NEED TO SEE THINGS MORE THAN ONCE 

When we are learning new things it is easy to say ‘I am a slow learner’ (I believe those words have escaped my lips once or twice).

Repeating what you have learned is an excellent way to re-enforce the lesson. Or for you it may be taking notes to refer to if you don’t get to put what you learned into practice for a while.

It is OK to see, hear and do things more than once before they become a habit. Yes doing the same thing over and over makes it a habit.

ACTION TIP – Make it OK for you to see and hear things as many times as you need to.

 4. YOU CAN LAUGH EVEN AMONGST CHAOS 

One of the first things that disappears when life’s challenges overwhelm us is our ability to have fun and laugh.  Then when we do find ourselves having a chuckle we go into the ‘blame’ and ‘guilt’, ‘how could I laugh when my life is falling apart.

Even in the worst of circumstances there is always something  that has the potential to make you smile, feel gratitude and enjoy a touch of nature.

 ACTION TIP –  Create that smile for a friend going through a challenge…it is a great starting point in changing your perspective in life.

 5. BE AUTHENTICALLY YOU 

 The old saying goes “Be you everyone else is taken’. So many try to be someone they are not, try to bluff it out by being someone different. Each of us is unique. No one does what you do in your way… don’t be afraid to stand out.

 ACTION TIP – Ask your self what makes you authentic.. embrace it, develop it and do more of it…

 

What prompted me to write this blog post? I am currently doing a 21 Day ‘visual challenge’ as in creating an image a day. All 5 points have been relevant in my life this week… 

 

Now…  give yourself a huge hug and ask yourself a wonderful supportive open question for example…

  •   What else is possible?
  • Who am I today and what grand and glorious adventures will I have?
  • What is one small thing I can do today to enhance my life?

I hope these tips have given you a point to ponder… if you are feeling overwhelmed contact me through my website I’ll take away your overwhelm   so you can focus on attracting the next best thing into your life.

 

 

 

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Speaking up and speaking out…just for you!

 

Are you a woman who wants to stand up with confidence and share your message?  Is something holding you back?

confident women, oveecoming nerves, scared to speak out

I have been there… sweaty palms, what of they think I am silly, dry mouth, nervous twitters in the tummy. you stand then forget what you meant to say…

I wanted to do it…it wasn’t my fault. But it was what I was manifesting and attracting into my life.

Until I learned the secrets of how to speak with confidence

Until I evolved

Until I got a plan

Until I unashamedly claimed my worth and created  a way to speaking confidently in my feminine energy.

 

confidence self worth self belief

If this sounds like you…and part of your plan for 2015 is learning to speak with confidence this program gives you insights and tips on ‘how to.

Commencing 22nd January contact  Di at http://diriddell.com/speakers-first-workshop/ ‎ or di@diriddell.com on 0409 638 248.

 

 

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Reflecting on 2014…and it was always than I thought!

 

TRefelcting confidence, sel esteem, confidence confident women

 

It is that time of the year when you think about things like…

  • Where did the year go?
  • What did I achieve?
  • What could I have done better?

And what better way for me to do that than to make a cuppa and take a stroll  through my diary and see exactly what happened. If you are anything like me you think you know, you are sure you know…then you discover there are a lot of things you had forgotten about.

Did you find your reflections static like the pond?

Confidence self esteem confident women womenbeyond50

Or were they fast moving…like a river?

Confidence self esteem life style

 

I kept thinking I had not done much in the early part of the year – not correct.

I kept thinking little had been achieved…not correct.

I kept thinking I could have fitted more in…not correct.

I had re-written what I thought I had not done… please don’t let anyone else (including your mind) write your story..

 

confidence self esteem self worth self belief confident women

 

Since childhood and living with a violent alcoholic father doing, doing and doing, being task orientated and doing things before being asked was my life. I went nursing and it was more of the same. I took on four teens when I married at the ripe age of 24 and  I didn’t have time to think I just did it. And so life progressed.

It took me years to relax in any shape or form.  Sitting still or stopping was a sign of slackness or being lazy. Even on holidays it was go, go, go. I must have driven my husband mad, however he graciously went along with me. Ok sometimes he grumbled but he did it anyway.

Yesterday… I had coffee with my beautiful girlfriend Denise and we were talking about relationships, another form of reflecting. I was saying I did not want someone to ‘be responsible’ for me… It was almost like a shield I was holding up.  She said ‘Di you have been responsible for yourself and making your own decisions since you were 15′ (yep that coincides with the teenage rape).  You don’t need anyone to be responsible for you.

I spent a large slice of my life thinking I was a ‘whimp’. It has only been in these latter years that I have reflected not just on a year but on a lifetime and realised what strength, what resilience and yes even confidence I had. There are times when the positives just simple get buried in everyday life. The challenges ranging from the miniscule to the monumental. I simply did what needed to be done.

Ask yourself…Who do you see when you look in the mirror

confidence reality self esteem self worth confident women confidence beyond 50

 

Now I find I am still asking those questions…just in case I have slipped up… and have had the temerity to do less. True I am not as active as I was at 25, and now at 60 + postage and handling…I still do it, it just takes me a little longer.

So as I reflect back on my year I am pleasantly surprised and pleased with what I did achieve and  that has given me the motivation to spring into 2015.

confidence self worth self belief confident women confidencebeyond50

I look back and see me speaking, being MC, facilitating small workshops, networking , being involved in self development activities, writing and yes blogging. It has been such fun learning more about creating images and using power point effectively. On a personal level there has been travelling, reading and meeting a lovely man, being Grannie Di and even making self care a priority.

It has been an amazing year littered with highs and a few lows, lots of laughs, friendships renewed and started. The odd challenge kept me on my toes and I can still laugh, oohh how a sense of humour helps. Maybe I had the odd wine along the way… and I may or may not have a tiny tattoo in an unobtrusive place!

I am asking me as I reflect…Am I a real woman?

confident self esteem self worth self belief confidencebeyond50

 

As you read maybe you are reflecting on your year. Maybe you will find you to have achieved far more than you thought.  I would love to hear how your year went. Please do comment and share.

What are my plans? January will see me start on another round of ‘Speaker First Workshops’…if  you are nervous about speaking out, or full of ideas but unable to express them – then this may be just for you… giving you a kick start to the new year.

confidence se;f belief self esteem confidencebeyond50

 

Cheers Di xx

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Choosing Peace…

 

Peace is a word that is thrown around carelessly, blissfully and to many of us in jest. In fact we take it for granted.

We think of is as relaxation,  a state of being when we listen to music, meditate, journal, have a bubble bath by candlelight or sit quietly at the beach. Away from the hustle and bustle of life. Away from chaos and drama, and away from crowds and noise.

 

confident women women50+

 

Over the years I thought I could not have peace without all those things. Life experience and challenge taught me differently. When I was in the midst of drama growing up and through tumultuous teenage years I did not think peace was ever going to be possible for me. I was buried in ‘stuff’ for years and yes it was ‘rough stuff’.

What I did not realise is that it is possible to find a glimmer, a window of opportunity for peace in the midst of huge drama. it was a dear friend talking to me in my husbands final days about hope, peace, that life will go on, it will be good again. Right then I could not see it and I was a long way from peaceful.

 

confident women

 

When I reflect back now I was finding that pocket of peace when I took my patchwork to sit by Les’ bedside, I just did not recognise or acknowledge it.  It came when friends came to take me out for lunch when I was sitting for days on end. It came as messages, it came in nature as I stood many times watching a sunrise or seeing a rainbow. They were moments of peace… I was blind to them.

 

peace calm confident confident women

 

Today I realise peace dances in the heart and soul of everyone if and when we allow it. Today I do find my peace in relaxation, listening to music, meditating, writing and journaling. Today I take pleasure in luxuriating in a bubble bath by candlelight or sitting quietly at the beach reading.

Peace can also be a contentment of the heart, when the monkeys in your head stop chattering, and you just be who you are.  Yes, peace does bring us all a little nearer.

 

peace calm confdience confident women

 

We have that choice in our country. How lucky are we?

I had occasion recently to reconsider my point of view. As one of the guest speakers at a Conference I shared the stage with Dr Eman Sharobeen 2014 Australia Day Ambassador, Director IWHS, CEO NESH Women’s Scheme Inc Statutory. Member Anti Discrimination Board NSW and Member of Domestic & Family Violence Council.

This amazing woman who has faced and risen above so many challenges devotes her life to the betterment of women.

When she talked about domestic violence and Government legislating for change it hit a nerve with me. Yes they can legislate… however legislation does not change community opinion, community attitudes or community behaviour.

To quote her words Thank’s change… but we need to educate the community and encourage them to act’.

We see shocking instances of domestic violence on a daily basis…in our own homes, our own community and our own country. The education currently in place is not working. The figures for DV are rising.

I don’t  have the answer…I am simply stating what I see and read… it saddens me greatly. I do believe awareness is the first step – personal and in the community.  Followed closely by forgiveness and kindness.

 

forgiveness peace calm confdience confident women

 

Then Dr Eman really hit home… she shared stories as she deals with women from child marriages (1 in 3 of them are under 15)  and the results of genital mutilation.

Then she switched to her message on peace…. again I quote… ‘To us it night be a walk on a deserted beach, a mountain stroll or the peaceful haven of a home where you are safe, loved and protected. For war torn countries or countries where women are not safe, peace is having a day where you were not abused, not had a gun thrust at you, or been caught in gunfire or discriminated against.’ 

Paints a different picture doesn’t it?

 What did I do?

  • I took my faltering confidence in both hands and faced my past.
  • The key for me was forgiveness and learning to life in kindness.
  • My life is beautiful today. Is it perfect? No! Am I a work in progress? Definitely!
  • It was indirectly how I got into speaking and coaching.

What would I like you to do? I would love you to:

  • Raise your awareness
  • Make any difference you can
  • Recognise the wonderful freedom we have in this country to enjoy peace in whatever form we wish.
  • To educate and support your children and grandchildren… to live that peace which you wish to see in the world.

peace, calm, confdience confident women

 

Let’s all choose to leave footprints of peace as we move through our beautiful world. How can it get better than that? What else is possible?

My message is delivered with confidence and I send much love, hugs peace and kindness to all. Di xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Mellowing …Really…

 

How we mellow and the positives that come out of it has been rattling round in my mind for a while now so I thought I would share my thoughts.

When having a coffee after a meeting recently I uttered the words ‘I have mellowed’ … then I went on to reminisce about what a fire brand I was in my youth.

On the day I was basking in my quietness, wisdom and tolerance. Something that is often characteristic of maturity… friends gwaffing loudly at me as I talked…

 

Almost mellowed..she said confidently

 

Would you believe they were right…Well being mellow was put on hold as I became un-mellow about the grannies going to TAFE discussion. It got me going in less than a heartbeat.

It seems I still have a ways to go…

 

Mellowing confidently

Now exactly what does mellowing mean?

a. Soft, sweet, juicy, and full-flavoured because of ripeness: a mellow fruit.

b. Suggesting softness or sweetness as in a change of season

c. Rich and soft in quality: a mellow sound; a mellow wine.

d. Having the gentleness, wisdom, or tolerance often characteristic of maturity.

e. Relaxed and unhurried; easygoing: a mellow friend; a mellow conversation.

Positives Of Mellowing Include:

  • Extra energy and less stress
  • Peace of mind – Allows your  wisdom to step in
  • Finding alternatives to battling
  • Improves your sense of humour

Extra Energy less stress

Have you noticed when you get all ‘het up’ you use an amazing amount of energy and feel drained after ‘letting loose’ It can raise your blood pressure even make you feel physically ill.

Imagine what you could achieve if you channel that energy into something positive.

Peace Of Mind And Wisdom

Allowing your  gentleness, wisdom, and tolerance to surface is often (not always) characteristic of maturity. There are times when it simply does not matter…

Try using your favourite peaceful activity reading, journaling, talking a walk or listening to music.

The saying comes to mind ‘this too shall pass’ When things are going badly take refuge in the thought this too shall pass. Avoid getting cocky when things are going brilliantly…remember ‘this to shall pass’.

Finding Alternatives To Battling

Remember when you were young when you would no more have given in than fly to the moon?

There comes a time when it just not that important.

Listening and seeking to understand another’s point of view enables you to see an issues from a different perspective

Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes …i.e. avoiding sitting in judgment

Being open in your communication and having real conversations. Often the real problem is not what is on the surface.

Improves Your Sense Of Humour

When you can learn to laugh at yourself. Even when you feel totally embarrassed.. remember whatever it was…the sun will still come up tomorrow. It is most likely that you are the only one who remembers the incident.

Humour is also a great leveller and can create an opening for relaxation in  the challenge.

There are countless instances documented on the value of having a belly  laugh. I would add hugs  here also.

Now before you think I may have slipped into sainthood … all the points above are a work in progress for me.

While I was pontificating over my mellowness… the Universe laughed and laughed and laughed…

 

Mellowing confidently

And sent a challenge or three in the last week… to test my progress. To date Universe 1…Di nil!

My question for you is…Have you mellowed with age and what were the advantages? I would love to hear your experiences.

From my heart to your heart Di

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Celebrating Stepfamilies

 

Hell….p       I’m a Stepmother. Have you any idea how I felt? The day I woke to the realisation I was actually a step-mother…it took 2 years to happen… from a blind date with Les to our marriage. It was not like it was a rash decision…

Nothing in life had prepared me for this situation. That was in 1971. There has been much water under the bridge since then. Some of it absolutely fantastic, some Ok, and some really awful.

Step famlies

In case you have not noticed there is no manual for being a step-parent, a parent or a grandparent… or a wife or husband for that matter… or even life.

The last Sunday in July has been designated as National Stepfamily Awareness Day . A day dedicated to the step-family, it provides an opportunity to acknowledge, promote and celebrate the great work that step-families do.

Website: www.stepfamily.org.au/

From their site….Step-families Australia is a national peak body working with a network of state groups and community service providers to strengthen step-families across Australia, providing quality information, family support services, practitioner training, research and advocacy.

 Child Support System and Step families

Our research suggests that step-families are beginning to be recognised as a unique and important contemporary family form, however social policy development in Australia does not yet adequately address or support step-families’ unique needs relates for  step-families

It is generally known that step-families are ‘born of loss’. Whether formed by separation and divorce, as most are today, or the death of a parent, more common in previous times, it is clear that loss in both cases is the precursor to step-family life. (2002) I. Gerrard

A few points…

It is estimated that 1 in 5 Australian families is a step family. While resources abound in many areas of life services often fail to address the unique differences connected with  step-families.

  • Step families are born of loss
  • Families come together from different histories and expectations
  • Children may be torn between being in 2 homes
  • Step parents have a unique role as do step grandparents

A different take again from the Step-family site….Biological families have family trees, step families have family forests

Why do I feel passionate about it?

In the early 70′s I was married. Nothing startling there.  Except Les had 4 children aged 10-16 and I was 24. We lived in a small, parochial sugar community outside of Mackay.

Setting the scene… I was tall and slim, short dresses were the fashion and I wore them, my hair was long … I DID NOT FIT IN. At that time I did not understand the stigma that was attached to being part of a step family. I was to busy living our lives.

Step families are born of loss

When a couple get married there is traditionally he and she, they have their children and they all grow together as a family.  With a step family there has been a loss through divorce or a death .

This creates a new facet for a relationship for starters with unbelievable challenges. It can be a minefield  When emotions and feelings are not addressed or suppressed they will bubble up somewhere at some time.

Understanding that sense of loss and seeking help  can create beautiful relationships.

Different history and expectations

Remember when you went into your first relationship, the differences, his and her family history …how you each did things and what little habits annoyed you. Add the loss factor, step into a new relationship and the issues are easily magnified.

A huge part of the success of my marriage was my husband never let his children come between us. We were a team, if he had something to say to me he said it in private. The name and blame game seldom leads to domestic harmony.

Children torn between 2 homes

How difficult it is for children especially when young to understand the complexities of how to behave when I am at Mum’s home and how I behave at Dad’s and knowing what is expected of them.

I know several teachers who attest to the behavioural problems and lack of attention of these torn children. If the values of the homes are markedly different that places an extra strain on all the relationships.

Sadly I saw this in action when working at a Contact Centre… which is a safe place for the non residential parent to have a supervised visit with their children.  While there were beautiful families attending there was an element of using the ‘children as pawns’.

When respect for the past partner is in place and communication open and honest it is possible to create love and beauty in blended families.

Step-parents and step-grandparents have a unique role

We all face challenges in life from the miniscule to the monumental…and relationships sit right up there at the top.

When the adults look at their position in the relationship and support each other it can be a beautiful experience. There are so many areas of support and help open to us today.

Now comes the questions…

  • Did I do it right?
  • Was I successful step- mum?
  • Have I been a successful step grandmother?

My answer is there were many things I could have done better. I dealt with my life using the skills I had available to me at that time.

Today I would do it differently and that may be the voice of maturity speaking.

My wish is that I be remembered as a loving and great role model for my grand-children.

The National website has a stack of resources among them a great list of tip sheets for  all step family members http://www.stepfamily.org.au/?page_id=85

These words by Jason Hairston popped up on the Facebook page United for Change this morning…. on “You can disagree with someone and still have love and respect for them. We can’t continue to allow our differences justify being enemies.”

Solution: Express your truth and allow others to express theirs. Connect with those with like minds and coexist with those who have different ideas. A painting wouldn’t be beautiful without different colours and the human race wouldn’t be beautiful without different cultures and ideas.

It struck a cord with me…I think this can be adapted for step families.

Confidently connected step families

Step families… they are for real, they are here to stay and they are unique…whatever your challenge  remember to have love, light and laughter in your life.  Celebrating step families.

From my heart to your heart. Di

Roses for love and confidence

 

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