Reconnecting with an old friend, I didn’t realise she was my best friend

 

She was somebody I had known for a long time, we chatted often and I was grateful for her advice. She was wise and gentle, she directed me with thoughts and ideas. Sometimes I listened, sometimes I didn’t. When I didn’t, I know now that it would have served me better if I had. I was driven, racing, running, being busy, busy, busy. Life happened nursing, marriage, step kids, my kid, work, play, community, widowhood, starting over… you know how it is and you can probably add a few of your own.

Confidence, sharing, support

 

She would pop in occasionally and we would chat, tough times happened, I pushed her away and we lost touch. That happens in life, we lose touch with dear and faithful friends… I lost touch with this one.

ignored,  turned away, forgot, lost confidence

 

I am happy to say after her nudging me several times gently then not so gently, we have re-connected. I finally stopped that run, push and relentless drive. I remembered, I have stopped to call and really chat with her, open up, show her the real me in the now. She has just the best advice, I will never lose her again. I will stay in touch and in tune… my best friend is Marie, my inner knowing.

Who is Marie? She is my inner knowing, I buried her so deep, denied her existence and I turned my back on her. In the process of starting over, I started to write and speak about my life changing challenges. I was emotionally overwrought, fearful, in fact my thoughts and life were out of control. Marie is my middle name, hidden away, ignored and never used, I did not realise that she is also my inner knowing.

hiding, shame, lack self esteem, anxious

 

The origin of Marie is derived from the Hebrew Miryam and it has a debated meaning. Many believe it to mean a ‘sea of bitterness’ or ‘sea of sorrow’, others see it as a ‘wished for child’. The light and the dark…it was my choice. I chose the sea of sorrow and slipped into the darkest part of my soul.

When women experience trauma or severe life stressors it is not uncommon for our lives to unravel. We lose ourselves a little over the years and get caught up in a lot of external stuff and in doing so we can lose our friends as well… and I lost this one…

I am happy to say that I won’t lose her again, I will stay in tune and in touch. You see I now recognise her as a ‘much wished for child’, my much loved precious soul, my inner knowing. I have finally stopped long enough to call and re-connect and she has just the best advice and I am listening.

The way to find her again and be sure it is her advice and that is comes form a place of pure love and NOT the whisper or roar of fear and overwhelm is to be open and develop a clear and unshakeable love and belief in yourself.

self belief, self esteem,self confidence

 

Your inner knowing puts your interests first, it is about who you really are, your real, raw, authentic and beautiful self. When you act from the ‘sea of sorrow’ it is exhausting and overwhelming, it is a load you are dragging with you draining your energy, it always wants more.. Begone with it…flick it off and return to (you remember Elvis’ song, I popped in a link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PU5xxh5UX4U ).

Inner knowing understands that living with love also shows a quiet inner and strong confidence. That type of confidence is a gift that goes on giving, it is your gift to the world showing your compassion, understanding and love. Be true to your values, true to keeping your cup overflowing then you can be free, open and available to give it to others. Your gift will be your vibrancy, engagement and connection.

clear4 message, confidence, being you

 

It is in times of reflection and connection that magic happens.

If you are challenged by a lack of connection in your life the 21 Day Butterfly Net Challenge is a beauty.  I invite you to reach out and connect with me at di@ diriddell.com or through Facebook on Confidence Beyond 50

 

 

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