Nature versus nurture
In the 1980’s a psychologist took on a macabre experiment of separating triplets placed for adoption. Only he and the adoption agency were in the know. None of the three adoptive parents was told their son had 2 brothers, that in fact, they were triplets. The psychologist has now passed away. I think the report said the documents were sealed until 2065 (I am not sure I heard the date right but it was years away) before the truth can be revealed.
Three guys met at a University, one mentioned how two of them looked so alike, like twins a mirror image of each other. They began searching and it was uncovered that those two were part of a set of triplets, the 3rd guy had similarities and it further searching and it eventuated that he was the third triplet.
They all asked their adoptive parents and they were never told their son (one of 3) was a triplet.
They studied together, lived together and played together all along trying to find out what had happened. It became too much for one of them and he committed suicide.
Can you imagine the trauma created through this incredible set of events? The birth mother would not have known, the adoptive parents were not told and the triplets were not told. What hurts, pain and anguish as they found out the circumstances around their lives.
Why did this catch my attention this morning? Because I have recently started a search for 2 children who were adopted out by me in the 1960’s. the whole gamut of emotions are involved.
When we undergo a healing process, it is not just for ourselves, we are doing it for others too, like a ripple it spreads. It is coming up healing and raising consciousness for us all. I am honouring that process. We start from where we are now and do what we can do going deeper each time. When we look back over our lives there are things, places, events that require healing. It becomes our choice to do something different and live differently.
As I went through the forgiveness process for my father and the teen rapists, I gained peace, an openness and a sadness as I did wonder what had happened in their lives to cause them to hurt others so deeply. The guilt and fear I had carried for decades I was then able to put down. I don’t have to understand them, that is their darkness, their wickedness and their stories that they inflicted on me affecting what is one of the most beautiful experiences a woman can have. In forgiving them I have set me free. That was when I knew I ready to publish ‘Beyond Abuse’ in 2006.
There are many examples of separation of mother and child, my story and the story of these triplets is the same dark energy. My journey is not bad, it just is. I am cleaning it up so I can move forward into a new and clean space ready for my beautiful future.
Just when I thought I had all this under control, my mind decided it was ready for me to take on a new challenge, to look deeper. I revisited and re-wrote my story adding men and women’s stories (yes abuse happens to men also) and the day I saw the book online in Amazon, I just knew that I was ready now to begin a search for my two children.
Adoptive Services under Dept of Communities have uncovered the dates and places for me. It was deeply buried I could not access it consciously. It brought home to me that horrendous, horrible and heartbreaking time around the birth of my first son. With my 15 years of self-development work I am now in deep self- work dealing with that coming from a place of loving support and engaged action.
My journey of searching will begin soon through the Post Adoption Services. In fact, it has, I have already had several conversations with them and last weekend I was a speaker at a workshop for people affected by adoption.
The story this morning touched me deeply. It has been made into a movie and the subject of the movie has caught the attention of the media.
Nature versus nurture –how blasé a comment! I ask you where is the humanity in that?
Do you have a story to share around adoption and secrecy? If so, I would love to hear from you.
You can connect with me at email@example.com, phone 0409 638 248 or on Facebook on https://www.facebook.com/ConfidenceBeyond50/
News on my recently released book
Beyond Abuse: A Recovery Guide for Men and Women in a Era of Me, and All of Us, Too
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The key word is ‘beyond’, this book has tips and strategies for living life differently. You can’t do that if you maintain the same mindset as that of a victim.
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