In 2018 I re-published my book as 'Beyond Abuse - a recovery guide for men and women in an era of men and all of us too’. It was the catalyst for starting my search. The powerful thought and urge flooded through me when I saw the link on Amazon.

This video was taken on the spur of the moment when I spoke to a Post Adoption Support Group in June 2018. A few days later I posted it, raw and in its entirety. Being 18mins I was not sure it would be watched… it reached 1455 views and the feedback was incredible.

It showed the power of being raw, real and authentic when you show your vulnerability. It also demonstrated the sheer number of women affected by adoption. I had been looking at it as the baby, the birth mother and the adoptive parents.

The net is much wider, those teenage mothers are now mothers and grandmothers. They have begun reflecting on their lives. It is often a life-changing experience that is the catalyst.

At this time, my decision had been made and I prepared myself for a possible rejection. After all, here I am coming along 50 years later saying ‘I am your natural mother’. I was mentally prepared and decided that the search would be enough if my approach was rejected. That was important, that my mindset be positive and accepting whatever the result.

In 2 short months, I had found and met my daughter. It went from Adoptive Services telling me they had found her, to their writing (yes snail mail) to her to see if she wanted to contact, to her replying with a yes.

Once they had that Ok, our information was sent to each of us, posted on the same day (snail mail). And… she lives in Brisbane, the same city as me. I received the information on Wednesday, I sat on it just tingling with excitement and a feeling of ‘at last it is happening’ to the sliver of fear what if… I am rejected… what if she does not want contact.

BUT what if she does?
Thursday, I sent a warm email and Friday morning I had a most beautiful reply. How I felt is almost beyond words. I was shaking and tears of happiness flowed as I read and re-read the email. Later that day we spoke at length and decided … now is our time … let’s do it. Let’s do it tomorrow.

Saturday on the way I bought a miniature rose for Sue and a beautiful card with a message to her adoptive parents for giving her the life that I couldn’t. It was my small way of starting our connection and a conscious conversation.

Time has passed it is now the 12th February 2021 and I am ready, that lightbulb in my head is sparkling and flashing saying ‘I am ready, ready to search’. The catalyst was being interviewed on ‘Obsessed Hub’. If you would like to take a peek the link is https://bit.ly/3BN9iFs.

Here I was ready to dig deeply into my emotions. I was remembering back to myself as that frightened young teenager. It showed me how far I had come, how I have grown, and now I am ready to go again.

The process has begun!

What wonderful opportunities are now available that today we are able to search, that societal attitudes have changed. We can't put today's values on yesterday's actions. However, we can start today and move forward. My thoughts were that

I had no idea what the outcome would be... however I was ready to accept whatever was revealed

My choice for 3rd party intervention is Post Adoption Support Queensland. They are an amazing team who provide wonderful support. It is a very emotional time starting and working through a search.

Initially, they go to the Electoral Office in the city and would you believe there is only one person with my son’s full name on the electoral roll in Australia and he lives in North Queensland. My heart was pounding, I was beyond excited… it had to be him.

And it was… when I received the news, I thought I was being calm, then my pen shook, then my body shook all with nervous excitement. It was bubbling, rushing around inside me like a tsunami with nowhere to go. It was all consuming, all excitement, then caution crept in and I asked myself, what if he will or what if he won’t. Around and around, my thoughts swirled but the overriding reaction was sheer joy and happiness.

Friend’s comments included ‘One thing you may not have thought of is that when you do contact your second child, they have the opportunity to see what a wonderful person you are, and that you love them, via your Facebook posts before they even meet you. So many emotions  And so much love .... love conquers all. Love is the answer. 

 ‘And… ‘Di, you are completing circles for your greater self and you now know that there is nothing left on your plate that you need to do or that you might regret not doing.’

Time slipped by, I knew that the registered letter had been collected and we waited.

The beautiful counselor from Post Adoption Support added this after a phone call  ‘I hope you are going ok after our call this morning. I hear so much of your courage and strength Di, and I know it has been hard earned. You’re a mother, and that comes with an innate and special connection to your child, whether seen or heard, or not. I know this vulnerable limbo period is a really hard place to sit in, and I am with you in it. I am sending you so much kindness and care for the week ahead. Go gently with your heart and take in some love and support where you can.

Those words were so reassuring, I so needed them that day.

Then we heard by email and phone that he was open and ready for contact. My pre-prepared letter went out with my photo. He read my letter to his wife, children and his adoptive parents and he was ready to hear from me.

My son’s response to my email was warm, caring and compassionate. It felt so right, like all the pieces of a puzzle were falling into place. I am feeling content and at peace.

Then my first phone call with him, I heard his voice and absorbed his energy over the phone. It was so natural, like I had known him forever.

At this time my partner and I were travelling through the NT with the intent of coming into Queensland at Camooweal, Mt Isa and home to Queensland inland.  Now it really got interesting because we decided to detour via North Queensland just a little put of our way, like 1100kms out of the way. However, this was a momentous occasion.

We arrived in Darwin on Sunday the 1st August 2021, set up camp, had dinner and I was sitting out under the stars when a text arrived from my son asking if we were in Darwin yet. I replied ‘Yes, is there a reason that you ask?'

What happened next absolutely blew me away! He replied, ‘I am in Darwin too would you like to have coffee in the morning?’ What magical words, I looked at it and certainty flowed through me, the certainty that it would happen and that it would be ok.

You can hear the excitement in my voice as I share about that exciting text https://bit.ly/3mHNVBa

Next morning, I woke at 5.30am bright as a button, restless, excited, and raring to go. As I drank my first cuppa, I gave thanks to the Lord and expressed my gratitude to the Universe.

Showered, dressed and up and away. It was an extraordinary set of circumstances that saw him in Darwin, it was not planned. The Universe obviously did have a plan. I walked in and did not see him until I turned, and there he was walking towards me, he smiled and said ‘Di?’ – opened his arms and I walked right into them and got a huge bear hug. We stopped and looked deeply into each other’s eyes. No words were needed, a magical space in time after 56 years.

Words can scarcely do justice to how I was feeling, they seem inadequate.

I floated on air for the next couple of days and we continued our travels and a few weeks later found ourselves in that North Queensland town where I met my son’s wife (my new daughter-in-law) and the two adult children (I have two more grandchildren; they are thrilled to have a 3rd Grandma). I thought my heart would burst.

My words to my son and his wife were, ‘conception and birth can happen in any number of ways – something terrible happened to me and the blessing from it was that a beautiful baby boy was born. I was not able to give him a home or a life and future – my gift was for my son to be adopted out to parents who could do that for him and love him dearly’.

It can best be summed up as an absolutely out of this world fabulous experience.

I felt loved, accepted and welcomed. Both my son and his wife have said ‘this is the beginning’ there will be lots more to come. It could not have worked out better. I am calm, content and at peace.

Being embraced by my son and his family is a blessing. My joy is bubbling through me as I share those special moments https://bit.ly/3mHNVBa

We are home again now and as I reflect, I am thrilled that I have had this wonderful opportunity to create and enhance the relationship with my son and his family.  

Now it is the 4th of November 2021 and whatever the future holds these experiences are in my heart and soul and I am very grateful. I am open and ready for what comes next…stay tuned!