Don’t remember last night (or many nights in your angry, power hungry, drunk or drugged state) – your victim will. That act of sexual abuse can and does remain with the victim, I prefer to say, survivor, for a lifetime. As a result of that, they lose their voice, trust and self -worth. Sometimes it leads to their taking their life. Let’s look at truths about life after sexual abuse.

Did you know that there is another way and there is help out there? It is possible to move forward and lead an amazingly fulfilling life– sadly that was not enough for Noa

This article tears at my heart, a young girl 17 years of age driven to take her life, legally allowed to take her life. That her words were ‘love is letting go…in this case’

That Noa a Dutch girl, 17 years of age who was sexually abused at 11 and raped as a 14- year- old is legally allowed to die after contacting an end-of-life clinic because she felt her life was unbearable due to depression.

It’s so wrong!

It seems so wrong to me. It shows how deep into the psyche sexual abuse can go. It is harrowing how How it affects the deepest parts of you. It is not a one-time act, all over and move on. Sexual abuse leaves you feeling unclean, unworthy and not understood. It leaves you feeling fearful, scared and humiliated. It leaves you feeling that life is unbearable. These are truths about life after sexual abuse.

Imagine being in isolation and wearing something untearable so you can’t self -harm yourself.  Noa’s words – ‘my stints in isolation made her feel like a criminal’. She did not know that there was another way. How unbearable her life must have seemed?

How sad that Noa felt unable to reach out, or was unreachable. When you do that, you slip away. In Noa’s case to the point of seeking and then being allowed legally to die.

I don’t know what went on in Noa’s mind, but I know how I felt through my years after a pack rape and sexual abuse. It is a dark place to be and I shut down and withdrew from life. My ‘fight and flight’ was dumbed down for my survival. I chose to withdraw it was a survival technique – I would have died if I had fought. Maybe Noa felt the same.

Sad,, humiliated after abuse, fearful, scared

Silence leads to powerless and together they are a deadly combination that keeps you in pain and in the shadows.

You know the busy world we live in, the collective busy consciousness of the 21st-century world. It thrives on fear, doubt, and manipulation, it permeates our mind. It can cause us to look away, withhold that helping hand and say ‘it’s not my problem’. Nothing changes until someone in our life is affected! Then, we take notice. That is a truth about life after sexual abuse.

In the past we heard words like:

  • Ohhh, so you were sexually abused, really?
  • Just pick yourself up and get on with it dear.
  • What did you do to deserve it?
  • Now keep quiet, forget it, you don’t want to stir up trouble.
  • The boys were just being boys.


‘Beyond Abuse – a recovery guide for men and women in an ear of me and all of us too’, document my journey and recovery. It also includes men’s and other women’s stories. Each chapter ends with tips and reflections pertinent to the reader in that chapter.

After many years of self-development work, recovery and sharing my story the gifts I offer are:

My gifts

  • Sharing how I learned love and compassion through loss so that my love and compassion will touch everyone who whose life I touch.
  • Knowing now that the things that happened to Di, happened to the Di who was there at the timeall that was good, bad and ugly. When I got to the place of forgiveness and allowed myself to be transformed, I found I could live fully and come out of hiding. I learned there was a wonderful amazing world out there. To learn that you too can be transformed.
  • Hope – that no matter what has happened, there can be a loving compassionate future for you.
  • To know that you are not alone, love and support are out there just waiting to be there for you.  
  • To know there is someone to talk to, with no judgement, just love and understanding. Keep talking and keeping the lines of communication open.
  • You know that someone else has gone through a similar experience and not only survived but thrived.
  • Guidelines, steps and strategies to start and keep you on track.
  • For you to know that you can get there also
  • There is nothing wrong with you, you have simply not been given the tools to heal, the tools speak your truth.

What can you do? If you know someone who has been abused, who is in that dark place keep talking, keep those lines of communication open and surround them with love.

Love puts fear-based emotions to bed. It opens the door to relief, freedom, reassurance, safety, increased self -esteem, trust, faith, respect, kindness and a journey to a deep self- based understanding.

Love conquers all, love, kindness, compassion, confidence, respect, speaking your truth

What if…

  • They knew they could break free of those depleting old patterns and use their voice to create a whole new story
  • Their journey of self- discovery totally transformed their life?
  • Truths about life after sexual abuse were embraced in society?
  • How do I know it is possible? It Is my life story

If there is some way, I could support them contact me on It is vital that they know that there is a way to take control of your life because when things are way out of whack and sexual abuse is off the scale, then it can seem a long and unattainable road back. If we can change one life by healing life’s wounds it allows dignity, self-love and self- worth to be regained. How good is that?