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Di Riddell - Your Voice Matters

Di Riddell

Your Voice Matters - Confidence Beyond 50

About ‘Your Voice Matters’

Suppression to expression – does your voice matter / you betcha!

Being heard is a basic human need.

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If YOU realise that suppression of your voice and who you are has not worked.

What happens next?

While you decide – keep your cool and read on! It’s time for something different.

These pages are here to:

  • Support YOU if your voice has been suppressed
  • Encourage and inspire you if you don’t have a voice.
  • To realise that your voice does matter and speaking your truth with grace and power is important.
  • To empower your self-expression with love, impact and understanding.

Yes, your voice is necessary and it is important that YOU are believed, are heard and are visible.

Inclusive, open for more love

So…Grab a little lippie and a whole lot of heart and let’s look at this together.

For many years my voice was suppressed. Through pain, I’ve learned forgiveness, confidence and love – then I learned the value of my voice, that it did matter and love conquers all.

You too can learn to love and value your voice and what you have to say. 

The reason you would want to know this is that your voice may have been or is being suppressed. Your voice is your human gift, one to be cherished. It comes from the deepest part of your heart, the essence of who you are. It is the source of your personal power and self- expression.

Silence leads to powerlessness. Together, they are a deadly combination that keeps you in pain and in the shadows. It takes time to heal and it takes courage.

When you experience serious trauma, it is not uncommon for you to shut down, lose your ability to speak out, and for your life to unravel.

The good news is that it is possible to re-activate and tap into your inner strength. To bring new energy and joy into your voice and life and know yourself as peaceful, complete, whole and safe.

It is vital that you know there is a way to take control of your life, because when things are way out of whack it can seem a long and unattainable road back.

You may not realise that staying in your story and living it over and over seriously prevents you from healing. It leads to trauma energy, an energy that drains you, keeps you in pain and prevents you from moving forward. Once you understand that and release the negative energy around your story, it opens the door for healing to occur.

YOU TOO CAN MOVE FROM SUPPRESSION TO EXPRESSION

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Allow me to share a story. When I was a little girl, about four years of age I got a hiding because I corrected my violent alcoholic Dad, of whom I was terrified at a public function.

I made a decision that day - what I had to say was not important, stay silent and you won’t get into trouble.

At that point I lost my voice, my trust and my self -worth, I suppressed it for decades.

You might have a similar story.

stories 2

In brief I had a violent alcoholic father, who told me I was stupid, useless and worthless and not worth educating. I was a sad, unhappy and frightened child who grew up with no self- confidence, no self- esteem and no self- worth. It was difficult not just at home but also at school. I was unfortunate enough to be a left hander in the 1950’s, when children were frequently punished for trying to write with their left hand. That did not fix the problem it only compounded my fear, isolation, humiliation and hurt. My home and school life were a mass of confusion.  I had no voice.

Going into my teens I used to escape to me girlfriends on Saturdays. We were allowed to go the local dance with her older sister. Off we went one fateful night, I had met his guy, he was just a little bit bad and he was my dream boat.  I was so, so excited as I pranced into the dance hall in my prim green and white gingham check cotton dress, with scooped neck, puff sleeves, fitted waist and flared skirt. My rope petticoats had been starched to perfection, bobby socks and shiny shoes made me feel like a million dollars.

My heartthrob asked me to dance, then offered to take me home. My heart was racing and I excitedly asked my girlfriend to cover for me. We raced out to his car, he had promised me a night to remember. My naive, teenage romantic mind thought that meant a drive to the park, a peck on the cheek, watch the moon and go home.

As we took off, I heard a noise and turned around to see two guys on the floor in the back. We didn’t go home. Can you imagine my fear, horror and revulsion as I screamed and wailed for them to stop? They told me if I opened my mouth and told anyone they would come back and get me. That threat kept me quiet for 45 years.

Worse was to come, I discovered I was pregnant. A forced adoption ensued. It was the 1960’s, a very different world to today. I was shamed by my family and society, sent away and kept out of sight. The words kept ringing in my ears from authorities telling me I was unclean, dirty, a disgrace to myself, the world and everything in between.

I believed them and lived thinking that was what I was worth. Three years later I had a second child due to my low self-regard and self-worth. It was what I thought my life would be. My life and my voice were severely suppressed.

The authorities told me to go nursing, get out of society’s way as no decent man would want me. So I did, and I became an officious and efficient nurse.

I gained confidence and I gained a voice.

what words of kindness would you use on you

And, I proved them wrong, I met this beautiful man and had a 31- year amazing marriage. Les was the first man to show me respect, he saw beyond the cruel labels I had lived by. We were not without challenges, he had 4 children aged 10 to 16, I was 24 and then we had a baby together. I definitely gained a voice.

Life was busy, exciting, generous, loving and challenging and I loved it. I grew and blossomed under his love.  In that time, in 1977, I joined Toastmasters, a Communication and Leadership organisation. Little did I know then, the value and skills of confidence, leadership and mentoring would be to me in my future in speaking, writing and coaching.

In 2002, the happy secure world I knew ceased to exist. My beautiful husband left for the heavenly fields. I was terrified of being alone, terrified what would happen, terrified of facing a new life. So, I did what I knew best and that was to push myself until I dropped. One year later I did exactly that. At 51kgs I was a physical, emotional and spiritual wreck.  I was trapped in a cage of my own making.

Do you feel trapped (1)

At my lowest point, I began journaling. It was my saviour. I went on a deep journey of healing. The kind where all my walls came down and I was faced with the raw emotion and truth of who I was and how I felt about life. It was real, raw and ugly. I had lost my life, my identity and my voice along with my husband

It was tough. My vulnerabilities and a pile of negatives you could not jump over overwhelmed me. I was seeking, seeking, to let go, to see myself in a new light and move forward. Who can Di Riddell be in this world? How do I regain my voice? What is possible for me?

There were serious challenges along the way that dented my confidence. I coped in my way handling things that I had never had to handle before. I was letting myself think that my shortcomings were failures and that lessons were burdens, and I was carrying them all on my own weary shoulders.

Yet journaling and a serious move into self-development took hold of me and began a life of its own. My journey, detours and all continues to astound me as it unfolds.

About that time, it was suggested that I ‘had a book in me’ – I looked at aghast! Like what????

My plan to write then got all muddled up with my personal story. A story that had been kept secret for 45 years. To tell it all I knew I needed to dive deeply into forgiveness. For for my father who was a violent alcoholic and the 3 guys who pack raped me resulting in a pregnancy and an adoption. It was not until I reached that place of forgiveness and gratitude that I could write openly, authentically and from my heart.

I looked at other styles of writing, what they said, the voice they used. But this was my story, in my voice, in my words. My lesson was “When You Write Your Life Story, Don’t Let Anyone Else Hold the Pen”. My writing has grew, expanded and is real, raw, and authentic – just like me!

When you write your story, don't let anyone else hold the pen (2)

Completing my book ‘Beyond Abuse’ opened doors I had never noticed. I moved in different directions, started a support group for women who had been abused, created a 6-week program for women starting over, spoke to groups and continued writing.

It progressed to blogging then writing for the web. My first blog was called ‘Paint the Ceiling Beige’ after regaling a friend with stories of internet dating. It was a touch of humour and it was a fun way to express and make sense of dating in maturity.

Yet my mind kept niggling and in 2018, ‘Beyond Abuse – a recovery guide for men and women …in an era of me and all of us’ was released. It is my second book, it is beyond my story. It includes stories from men and other women. They share and offer tips on what they would say to someone going through similar challenges.

So many are affected by abuse and the cost to society is enormous.

In 3 days, it was No 1 best seller on Amazon Australia for new releases in the self- help category. 

For your copy click on - https://www.amazon.com.au/Beyond-Abuse-Recovery-Guide-Women-book/dp/B07D257YJJ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526519088&sr=8-1

Freedom, speaking out, it happens to men to,

The day I opened the link and saw it live on Amazon…a lightbulb flashed in my mind and I thought –

I am ready… ready to search for the two babies I gave up for adoption in the 1960’s.

In two short months I found and met my daughter. The daughter who I dreamed of, who I thought I would never see, touch or hold.  Hello Sue! How grateful I was when I heard that she had had a wonderful life with her adoptive parents and siblings. It was a bonus that she has a compassionate understanding of the circumstances surrounding her birth.

Sue understands that the only way I could cope when she was taken from me was to disconnect. There was no help available at that time, I had to disconnect to survive. I could not grieve or share my thoughts and emotions, I was locked in silence and shame. I had no voice.

And now we have this amazing God given opportunity to meet and create a relationship.

Looking forward, looking back.

Looking forward looking back an image with a young and mature person . An image that depicts reflection

It is now 2019, finding my voice and telling my story is part of shifting humanity and raising consciousness. We are not playing the ‘I’m going to get you, you bastard’ games. We are opening up to more expansive views leading to authentic deeper conversations

I am not done. Each time I write, I go a little deeper, each time I get up a different woman to the one who sat down. Writing my books has gone beyond the pen.

Today my voice is strong, confident, compassionate and caring

Together we can help to make the world a safer place and I would love to say one free of abuse. Love will conquer all if we all work together.

Now, who am I? I am a mature woman passionate about women living with joy and confidence.  My writing is for women who have been through life challenging changes. My wish is for women to be empowered. That they seek to find love and respect as the norm.

Often, women simply wish to boost or re-fire their lives. We are living in a time of massive societal changes in relationships, family, the workforce, community and consciousness and that can be overwhelming.

My experience has been one of abuse, grief and loss. There can be many other reasons why life unravels. Whatever the reason for suppression of your voice, the principles to heal from it are the same.

I ask…
Do you have incredible pain and grief where an avalanche of emotions leaves you wanting to run, hide and shut down?
Do you feel frustrated at not being heard?
Do you feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start?
Would you like to transform your voice from suppressed to expressed? To move from feeling frustrated, being invisible and not heard to one of quiet confidence, joy and being self-expressed?

Let’s grab a little lippie with a whole lot of heart and come with me on my journey.

When you heal and find your voice and confidence you become steeped in your own truth and faith. It is a wonderful place to be.

healing and finding yur voice

Ways you might consider working with me are to read my books, blog, connect through www.diriddell.com or my social media posts http:/www.facebook.com/confidencebeyond50 and https://www.facebook.com/YourVoiceMattersTVwithDIRiddell/

If you are really visual then Pinterest may suit you http://pinterest.com/dimr47/

3 invaluable steps that you can incorporate into your life today through your voice are forgiveness, confidence and love. These steps gave me back my dignity, my self- worth, self- respect and self -confidence

Love is a huge subject, it needs elaborating on, my heart took me to great places and over time I came to understand that love conquers all - starting with self- love.

Love puts fear-based emotions to bed. When you are challenged, your default may be to go to anger, overwhelm, uncertainty or self-doubt. May I suggest you ask yourself the question – how would love respond? Then stop and listen for a response, even a whisper

Through Les, my late husband I learned the true meaning of love. I found joy in life, after devasting life experiences. It is not about the challenges I had faced, it was about the choices and decisions I made, the self-responsibility and vulnerability I was prepared to face. It created the road map that set me free.

You can achieve that too – I can help you

Finding your voice opens the door to relief, freedom, reassurance, safety, increased self-esteem and self- worth other things including happiness, purposefulness, hopefulness, trust, faith, respect, integrity, honesty and kindness.  It is a journey of self -discovery, a journey to strength-based understanding of yourself.

Spreading the love

Imagine what would be possible in your life if

➢ you could feel free to speak your truth and use your voice to create a whole new story?

➢you could be understood for who you really are?

➢ your journey of self- discovery totally transformed your life.

How do I know they are possible? It has been my incredible journey.